alexandra petri tour

Alexandra Petri

photo credit: Lisa Allen

ALEXANDRA PETRI'S

NOTHING IS WRONG AND HERE IS WHY

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IN THE PRESS

"the only op-ed columnist America needs right now"

"the funniest person in Washington. This is all the more impressive when you remember that Congress is also located there."

"b-i-itchy"

Rush Limbaugh

Alexandra Petri is a columnist for the Washington Post. Her satire has also appeared in McSweeneys and the New Yorker's Daily Shouts and Murmurs, in other newspapers (hello, Salt Lake Tribune!), on the radio, and on TV. 

She has appeared on a number of podcasts, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, and Jeopardy! where she made what was described as the 'worst final Jeopardy! wager of all time.' She recently achieved her lifelong dream of being a talking head in a documentary about Benjamin Harrison. 

Benjamin Harrison was the 23rd president. He served between Grover Cleveland and Grover Cleveland. After his wife's death, he married her niece. He did the most!

Unlike Benjamin Harrison, Alexandra was on Rolling Stone's list of The Funniest People Right Now, Forbes 30 Under 30, received the National Press Club's Angele Gingras award for humor writing, was a finalist for the 2022 Thurber Prize, and won a Shorty Award for her parody twitter account. She is also an O. Henry International pun-off champion -- here is her winning routine about presidents.

Alexandra Petri is also a Helen Hayes-award nominated playwright, a member of the second generation of the Welders playwrights collective, and a member of the BMI Advanced Workshop. Her plays include Inherit the Windbag (Mosaic Theater, March 2020), Equinox (Flying V Productions), "to tell my story: a hamlet fanfic" (The Welders, 2017), Tragedy Averted (Capital Fringe), hook-ups (Panndora's Box Productions).

Alexandra and co-writer Jack Mitchell are working on a musical adaptation of the P. G. Wodehouse classic "A Damsel In Distress" which you can learn more about HERE !   

More of her plays are available via the National New Play Network. 

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Event Program

Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up)

ALEXANDRA PETRI'S US HISTORY: IMPORTANT AMERICAN DOCUMENTS (I MADE UP)

WED, APRIL 12 An Evening of Readings, Conversation, History, and Jokes

Alexandra Petri , Josh Gondelman , Gary Gulman , and Sunny Soroosh

There will be a book signing at this event.

Media Partner:

The Artists (in alphabetical order)

Josh Gondelman

Josh Gondelman is a writer and comedian. He earned four Emmy Awards, two Peabody Awards, and three WGA Awards for his work on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver . Gondelman has also written and produced Desus & Mero , and he worked on the final season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel . He is the author of the essay collection Nice Try , and his writing has appeared in McSweeney's Internet Tendency , New York Magazine , and The New Yorker . Gondelman currently hosts the podcast Make My Day and appears as a regular panelist on Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! His comedy special, People Pleaser , debuted in 2022.

Gary Gulman

Gary Gulman is one of the most popular touring comics, selling out theaters nationwide including Carnegie Hall. He has been a guest on every major late-night comedy program. Gulman’s four comedy specials include HBO's The Great Depresh , a highly acclaimed look at mental illness. In 2019 he appeared in the international blockbuster Joker . He has a recurring role on the Hulu comedy series Life & Beth . A product of Boston, Gulman was previously a scholarship college football player, an accountant, and a high-school teacher. Gary recently finished his first book titled Misfit , a memoir for Flatiron Books, which will be released in September 2023.

Alexandra Petri

Alexandra Petri is a humorist and columnist for The Washington Post and author of Nothing Is Wrong and Here Is Why , a Thurber Prize finalist. Her satire has also appeared in McSweeney’s and The New Yorker ’s Daily Shouts and Murmurs. Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up) was published on April 11th.

Sunny Soroosh

Sunny Soroosh is an Iranian-American actor and stand-up comedian, as well as a nurse-midwife! She is best known for her co-starring role as Pammy on Amy Schumer’s Life & Beth on Hulu. She has also been featured on The Problem with Jon Stewart , Ramy on Hulu, and Dr. Death , which premiered at the 2021 Tribeca Film Festival. She has performed on comedy stages all over the country and is a co-producer of the Yes Queen! comedy series in Washington, DC, and New York. Sunny has opened for comedian Kate Robards at the Marsh Theater in San Francisco and Matthew Broussard at the DC Comedy Loft. Her comedy credits also include performances at Laughs Comedy Club in Seattle, the DC Improv, and Eastville Comedy Club. She currently lives in New York City and works at Lenox Hill Hospital. Follow her @sorooshisonfire!

MORE INFORMATION

This program is made possible thanks to the generous support of Susan Bay Nimoy, the Howard Gilman Foundation, The Shubert Foundation, the MacMillan Family Foundation, the Blanchette Hooker Rockefeller Fund, The Achelis and Bodman Foundation, the Charina Endowment Fund, The Fan Fox and Leslie R. Samuels Foundation, the Michael Tuch Foundation, the Vidda Foundation, and The Grodzins Fund.

This program is also made possible with public funds from the New York State Council on the Arts with the support of Governor Kathy Hochul and the New York State Legislature.

Symphony Space thanks our generous supporters, including our Board of Directors, Producers Circle, and members, who make our programs possible with their annual support.

Pianos by Steinway & Sons – the Artistic Choice of Symphony Space.

Kathy Landau Executive Director Peg Wreen Managing Director Isaiah Sheffer * Co-Founder and Co-Artistic Director (1978-1988) Artistic Director (1988-2010) Founding Artistic Director (2010-2012) Allan Miller Co-Founder and Co-Artistic Director (1978-1988)

Jennifer Brennan Director of Literary Programs Drew Richardson Lead Producer of Literary Programs Vivienne Woodward Producer of Literary Programs Mary Shimkin Director of Broadcast & Literary Initiatives Matthew Love Consultant for Literary Programs Magdalene Wrobleski Literary Assistant Mollie Gordon Program Assistant Madeleine Hearn Literary Intern Gabriela Parra Lambis Literary Intern *in memoriam

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Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up)

If you’re going to lie about the past, you might as well make up lies that are fun!

Washington Post humor columnist Alexandra Petri is perhaps America’s most beloved political satirist. Her new, side-splitting work of historical humor uses imagined documents to create a laugh-out-loud, irreverent takedown of our nation’s complicated past.

From the Spanish conquistadors to the Salem witch trials, from Paul Revere’s ride to the exclamation mark in Oklahoma! , Alexandra Petri’s U.S. History presents a deranged timeline in which John and Abigail Adams try sexting, the March sisters from Little Women are sixty feet tall, Nicola Tesla’s friends stage an intervention when he falls in love with a pigeon, and Susan Sontag goes to summer camp. A witty, absurdist satire of the last 500 years, Petri’s “historical fan fiction” shows why she has been hailed as “genius,”* a “national treasure,”** and “one of the funniest writers alive.”***

*Olivia Nuzzi, Katha Pollitt

**Julia Ioffe, Katy Tur, John Scalzi, Chuck Wendig, Jamil Smith, and Susan Hennessey

*** Randall Munroe

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Washington Post Columnist Alexandra Petri Bringing Award-Winning Humor and Satire to Bridgewater College

Author and Washington Post columnist Alexandra Petri will present an endowed lecture at Bridgewater College on Wednesday, Nov. 15, at 7:30 p.m. in Cole Hall on the College’s campus. Petri’s lecture will address creative writing, the role of humor and satire in journalism and the effects of A.I. on journalism. It is free and open to the public.

Petri joined The Washington Post as an intern in 2010 after graduating from Harvard College and became the youngest person to write a column for The Post. Best known for her witty and satirical reactions to current events, her satire has also appeared in McSweeney’sand The New Yorker ’s Daily Shouts and Murmurs. She is the author of Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up) and Nothing Is Wrong and Here Is Why , a Thurber Prize finalist in 2022.

Based out of Washington, D.C., Petri was on Rolling Stone ’s 2017 list of “The Funniest People Right Now” and Forbes “30 Under 30” in 2018. She received the National Press Club’s Angele Gingras Award for humor writing, is an O. Henry International pun-off champion and won a Shorty Award in 2016 for her parody Twitter account depicting Kylo Ren from Star Wars: The Force Awakens .

For the endowed lecture, doors open at 6:30 p.m. with the event starting at 7:30 p.m. The format for the event is a traditional lecture with a Q&A. A livestream of the event will be available at bridgewater.edu/petri .

This endowed lecture is sponsored by the Harold H. Hersch Educational Fund.

AT A GLANCE Endowed Lecture: Alexandra Petri When: Wednesday, Nov. 15, at 7:30 p.m. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Where : Cole Hall, Bridgewater College Notes: This event is free and open to the public. A livestream of the event is accessible at bridgewater.edu/petri .

Media Contact: Logan Bogert Communications and Media Relations Specialist [email protected] (540) 828-5486

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New book 'Alexandra Petri's U.S. History' offers a fictional and hilarious take on our nation's past

City Lights Staff | WABE

April 10th, 2023

Washington Post humor columnist Alexandra Petri once said of her writing, “My goal is to be weirder than everybody else and hope that no one stops me.” So far, no one has, and her newest book is proof. “ Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents I Made Up ” is a collection of fictional essays that offer a hilarious take on our nation’s past. In this interview, “City Lights” senior producer Kim Drobes caught up with Petri to speak more about the book. 

Alexandra Petri’s new book, “Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents I Made Up” comes out tomorrow, and more information is available here .

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Alexandra E. Petri

Recent and archived work by alexandra e. petri for the new york times.

‘She Is Such an Athlete’: Astoria the Wild Turkey Is a Manhattan Celebrity

The wild turkey wandered into Midtown Manhattan this week, so far evading attempts to capture her. You may find her at Saks Fifth Avenue, high-end Italian restaurants or roosting in nearby trees.

By Alexandra E. Petri

How the Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake Beef Crashed the Genius Lyrics Website

The furious exchange of diss tracks and the rush to interpret each song briefly overwhelmed Genius, where users can annotate lyrics to songs.

Here’s how to track runners in the race.

This was featured in live coverage.

By Alexandra E. Petri, Ashley Wong and Jennie Coughlin

The Women Who Finally Got Their Chance to Play Soccer

Many women — particularly those over 60 — are discovering the sport anew after growing up in a world before Title IX.

By Laura Thompson and Alexandra E. Petri

Denali National Park, in Alaska, reinstates an indoor mask mandate in the busy summer season.

As counties report elevated levels of transmission, national parks are once again requiring masks in gift shops, on tour buses and other indoor spaces.

Russia Advances Behind Brutal Barrage, but Will Its Strategy Keep Working?

The Russian and Ukrainian armies have both been badly mauled, raising questions about how long they can keep fighting as they have, particularly the outgunned Ukrainians.

By Thomas Gibbons-Neff

After the fall of Luhansk, the battle for Donetsk looms.

By Alexandra E. Petri and Matthew Mpoke Bigg

A Florida nursing home pays $1.75 million to settle claims that it steered vaccines to donors.

MorseLife Health System in West Palm Beach, Fla., still denies that it defrauded a federal program designed to provide vaccine doses to residents and employees of long-term care facilities.

By Johnny Diaz and Alexandra E. Petri

As vaccines for younger U.S. children roll out, the effects on day care centers may be muted.

Federal action to make children older than 6 months eligible for vaccines not only affects parents but also day care centers, which have struggled throughout the pandemic.

By Adeel Hassan and Christine Chung

Here’s what we know about the people taken to San Antonio hospitals.

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Alexandra Petri

Upcoming Book “Notes from the Bathroom Line” Has One of Hell of a Line-up of Contributors

If you’re looking for something way in the future to look forward as a way to potentially have something to get you through the end of the year all the way into 2021 when maybe, possibly, hopefully there will be a vaccine that we all can get for COVID-19, there will be a magnificent collection of essays, poetry, toons, short stories, art, and so much more for well over 100 of the best women in comedy (from all corners including stand-up, writing, sketch, acting, podcasting, musical comedy, and more) in Notes from the Bathroom Line: Humor, Art, and Low-grade Panic from 150 of the Funniest Women in Comedy .

Amy Solomon (producer on Silicon Valley , Barry ) curated the incredibly impressive literary gathering for this book and we really can’t wait for Mar. 16th, 2021 when  Notes from the Bathroom Line is set for release.

Thus far, slated to contribute are:

Lolly Adefope, Maria Bamford, Aisling Bea, Lake Bell, Rachel Bloom, Rhea Butcher, Nicole Byer, D’Arcy Carden, Aya Cash, Karen Chee, Margaret Cho, Mary H.K. Choi, Amanda Crew, Rachel Dratch, Beanie Feldstein, Jo Firestone, Briga Heelan, Samantha Irby, Emily V. Gordon, Patti Harrison, Mary Holland, Jen Kirkman, Lauren Lapkus, Riki Lindhome, Kate Micucci, Natalie Morales, Aparna Nancherla, Yvonne Orji, Lennon Parham, Chelsea Peretti, Alexandra Petri, Natasha Rothwell, Amber Ruffin, Andrea Savage, Kristen Schaal, Megan Stalter, Beth Stelling, Cecily Strong, Sunita Mani, Geraldine Viswanathan, Michaela Watkins, Mo Welch, and Sasheer Zamata.

More contributors will be added down the line for a book that’s so much more promising than a lot of what 2020 has given us.

By the way, you can pre-order Notes from the Bathroom Line here .

Mount Vernon: Revolutionary War Weekend May 6, 7

Plus Mother’s Day brunch, wine and whiskey tastings, book events, fireworks and more coming up at George Washington's Mount Vernon!

May 05, 2023

Photo courtesy of Mount Vernon Ladies Association

American Revolutionary War, Mount Vernon

 in May and June. May kicks off with the transformation of Mount Vernon's serene 12-acre field into a battleground for  Revolutionary War Weekend . Continentals, Redcoats, and Hessians will conduct military drills, and visitors can meet the soldiers encamped at Mount Vernon.

On Mother’s Day, families can enjoy a special  brunch buffet at the Mount Vernon Inn  with favorites like fried chicken, waffles, and colonial bread pudding. After brunch, buy mom a gift at the  Shops at Mount Vernon  or tour George Washington's  Distillery and Grist Mil l. In 1799 the distillery was one of the largest in America, and today the reconstructed distillery continues to produce  batches  of spirits. 

Wine and whisky aficionados will want to purchase tickets now for the popular  Spring Wine Festival  and  Whiskey Tastings . Foodies won’t want to miss Resident Baker Justin Cherry of Half Crown Bakehouse during select weekends for 18 th -century bread baking demonstrations and fresh loaves for sale while they last.

And fans of  Washington Post  columnist  Alexandra Petri  can hear about her new book,  Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up)  on June 21. This side-splitting work of historical humor shows why Petri has been hailed a national treasure and one of the funniest writers alive.  Learn more .

Visitors also can visit the  Mansion, expansive estate, and gardens . May and June events and activities include: 

• Experience Revolutionary War Weekend  on May 6 and 7. Watch military drills and cavalry demonstrations, meet the soldiers and camp followers, tour the 18 th -century army encampments, and walk through George Washington’s War Tent that served as his command center of the Continental Army.  Learn more .
• Explore the lives, loves, and loss of the enslaved families  at Mount Vernon with a special guided tour, family activity, and ceremonial remembrance on May 13.  Learn more .
• Watch the construction of an 18 th -century English gown  on May 13 and 14. Mount Vernon’s historic costumer, Kathrin Breitt Brown, and Brooke Welborn of Burnley & Trowbridge will complete a gown and petticoat using hand stitching and 18th-century techniques.  Learn more .
• Enjoy a Book Talk  on May 18 with Rachel E. Walker, author of  Beauty and the Brain: The Science of Human Nature in Early America . She discusses her new book that explores the connection between science, politics, and popular culture in early America.  Learn more .
• Savor the Spring Wine Festival & Sunset Tour on May 19, 20, and 21 . Now is the time to purchase tickets, as Saturday already has sold out. Bring a blanket and relax on the east lawn overlooking the Potomac River while sampling wines fro

Photo courtesy of Mount Vernon Ladies' Association

Spring Wine Festival and Sunset Tour

• m Virginia’s finest wineries. Guests also will enjoy live music from Bruce Ewan and the Solid Senders. Doors open at 6 p.m. each night, and The Shops at Mount Vernon and Wine Valet Service are open until 8:45 p.m. The first floor, second floor, and cellar of the Mansion will be open until 8:30 p.m.  Learn more .
• At Summerfest, sample craft beer from local breweries , hear live music from The Fly Birds, and explore the historic area after hours on June 9 and 10. Concessions will be available from the Mount Vernon Inn Food Truck.  Learn more .
• The Annual Martha Washington Lecture  will feature Holly A. Mayer and Lorri Glover, contributors to the new book,  Women Waging War in the American Revolution , in conversation with fellow historian Graham Hodges about women's diverse struggles for security and independence in the midst of war. This June 13 event includes a reception and book signing.  Learn more .
• Mee t Washington Post  columnist Alexandra Petri  as she discusses her new book,  Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up)  on June 21.  Learn more .

Fireworks at Mount Vernon

• Enjoy an evening of family fun and Independence Day fireworks  along with patriotic music to celebrate the nation's founding. Guests also can attend a special wreath-laying at Washington’s Tomb, watch colonial ice cream-making demonstrations, and enjoy 18 th  -century dancing. The Mansion will be lit in red, white, and blue during this event scheduled for June 30 and July 1.  Learn more .
• Watch the 18 th -century baking process  with Resident Baker Justin Cherry of Half Crown Bakehouse. Each loaf is baked in a reproduction clay oven and made of grains authentic to the period that, when possible, were ground at George Washington's Gristmill. Demonstrations are held from 9:00 to 11:30 a.m. on select dates with baked goods available for purchase until sold out.  Learn more .
• Taste Mount Vernon's one-of-a-kind distilled products  on Saturdays in May and June. George Washington’s Whiskey Tasting is an outdoor event featuring samples of three distilled spirits made using 18th-century distilling techniques.  Learn more .
• George Washington’s Distillery and Gristmill  is open for the season. This fully functioning reconstruction of George Washington's Distillery and Gristmill is located 2.7 miles from the estate’s main entrance. Tours are offered on weekends through October and are included with a Mount Vernon grounds pass. Learn more.

Read the complete listing of Mount Vernon events  here . Most Mount Vernon events are free or discounted for members. Information about Mount Vernon membership is available  here . 

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Not Endorsed by Your Teacher

Turning a Satirical Eye on US History

Laura Ansley | Oct 19, 2023

I f you’ve done archival research, there are inevitably documents you just couldn’t find. Perhaps they weren’t saved. Perhaps they were destroyed, whether purposely or accidentally. Or perhaps they never existed—you simply wish they did, so you could answer that question you’ve been asking for years. Historians are accustomed to this problem, but a satirist might ask, “Why not write them yourself?”

You won’t find any of Alexandra Petri’s US history documents in the National Archives. National Archives and Records Administration. Image cropped.

In her new book, humorist and Washington Post columnist Alexandra Petri did just that. In Alexandra Petri’s US History: Important American Documents (I Made Up) , you’ll find fictional oral histories of the Constitutional Convention, Moby-Dick , and the musical Oklahoma! ’s exclamation point; advice for posing for your Civil War photograph; the Real Housewives of the Space Program ; and excerpts from Richard Nixon’s White House tapes (but just the parts where he’s yelling at his dog, Checkers). Described as “a history for people disappointed that the only president whose weird sex letters we have is Warren G. Harding,” the satirical book leans into the absurd, the goofy, and the downright weird, making for a text that students should not study when preparing for their AP US history exams. (And as is noted prominently on its cover, this book is not endorsed by the College Board.)

Petri told Perspectives , “I have been joking when I sign copies of the book that ‘I hear you love history, so I made you some more.’” A lifelong history buff, Petri traces her interest in the American past to a book of “weird presidential facts that I now am not sure are true. From it I learned things like ‘Rutherford B. Hayes’s wife was a teetotaler nicknamed Lemonade Lucy,’ ‘Chester A. Arthur loved to stay up late at night,’ and ‘James Garfield could write a sentence in Greek with one hand and in Latin with the other.’ Are any of these things accurate? More information requested from those in the know!” Her mother was a huge fan of George Washington, with his image decorating their home on plates, fans, pillows, and Christmas tree ornaments. Childhood trips to Civil War battlefields, the homes of American authors, and the Benjamin Harrison Presidential Site piqued Petri’s curiosity further. At the latter, “the tour we went on the first time kept denying things in a very suspicious way. ‘He didn’t take a bribe from this man! He didn’t have an affair with his wife’s niece!’ You don’t need to go out of your way to tell me that he didn’t have an affair with his wife’s niece! Now I have questions! So I thought that was extremely funny, and I loved that sort of oblique way in, where you figure out the story by painting very carefully around the story.”

Petri became interested in American literature early in her life as well. “I was one of those nerds who would read the classics for fun,” she said, “because they all have naughty bits if you’re willing to put in the time with the footnotes. Everyone sees you reading Herman Melville’s letters, and they think, ‘How erudite!’ But you’re actually trawling through them because somebody left a cane in his bed and you want to know whose cane it was! You’re just there for the gossip!” And at the end of the day, aren’t all of us there for the gossip?

Like a historian, Petri is attuned to the gaps and absences that exist in the documentary record.

Many of the documents she’s created lean into that angle. In “Excerpt from Modern Etiquette (1793),” readers will find a Mad Libs–style guide for writing a letter with blanks labeled “noun, most intimate part of yourself” and “past-tense verb, another way of saying ‘throbbed,’” which pokes fun at how often historic sources that some historians have read as platonic come across as quite passionate to a modern reader. Others look at famous events or figures from opposing sides, like “A Spider Objects to Jonathan Edwards” or “The Group Telegram Following the ‘Cross of Gold’ Speech” (“Okay, I’m just going to say it STOP Did anybody else think that was a little weird? STOP”). And then there are the pieces that lean into the totally absurd. What if Louisa May Alcott’s novel Little Women was actually Big Women , and the March sisters were 60 feet tall? What if Franklin Delano Roosevelt addressed the nation with “The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself—and the Thing That Ate Herbert Hoover”? What if Sesame Street had a “Very Special D-Day Episode”?

As Petri said, “I love a messy primary source document!” Like a historian, she is attuned to the gaps and absences that exist in the documentary record. “I’m obsessed with all the letters we should have but don’t. I love when you can almost catch sight of something that might or might not have happened, and you don’t know.” This project gave her an opportunity to think about those missing pieces, the letters that intentionally were not preserved, and the rough drafts that were polished up into something different.

Courtesy W. W. Norton

Knowledgeable readers will mostly recognize the big names, events, and literature Petri satirizes. When asked about how she chose what “greatest hits of American history and literature” to work with, she replied, “I think it’s less Actual Greatest Hits and more Things We Keep Being Told Are Greatest Hits.” She looked for the chance to read about the things that seemed like a mere mention or footnote in textbooks, “the books you may have heard of but not necessarily read,” like Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle or Tom Taylor’s Our American Cousin (the play performed at Ford’s Theatre the night Abraham Lincoln was assassinated). Some of them were personal: “Sometimes it would be a case of ‘I’ve been mad at Nathaniel Hawthorne since 2004, and I would like to deposit this grudge-work that has been curdling within me for decades.’” Others were an exercise in tackling the big myths—the founding events, the presidents, the politics, wars, and literature that shaped the United States (or so we’ve been told). That necessarily meant spending a lot of time on white, upper-class men rather than telling a more diverse story and drawing on the experiences of women, people of color, the working classes, and more.

This focus on the classics of history and literature positions Alexandra Petri’s US History right in the center of current debates over what is important in our national story. In the introduction, she writes that the book is addressing “our great national anger toward history,” and that “sometimes it seems that being mad about the past is the only thing we can agree on.” She told Perspectives , “As long as there has been history, people have been mad about it. It’s a slippery thing: it objectively happened, but the way it exists after it’s over is so strange and quicksilver and hard to grasp.” After a battle, for example, you have the place it occurred, the documents about the events like diaries, maps, and casualty lists, and “everyone involved has a different theory about what went wrong, why the people who won, won, why the people who lost, lost.” That “slipperiness,” as Petri called it, leads to “some really 1984 ideas.” “‘If all we have that proves that X did Z is this picture, we can just get rid of this picture, and presto, he never did it!’ But he did do it.” History isn’t changed by destroying evidence or not learning the messy parts of it.

History isn’t changed by destroying evidence or not learning the messy parts of it.

The conflicts today over the teaching and learning of US history obliquely influenced Petri as she worked on the book. She sees those who read what Petri called “the genre of History Channel Dad Books of History as You Remember It Being” as looking for a specific story that focuses on the people they already know and the events they’re already familiar with, with no changes. For these Americans, Petri says, “History is Mount Rushmore and Jon McNaughton paintings and a Longfellow poem about Betsy Ross. It’s a commemorative plate with the presidents on it.” So “my response as a satirist is often ‘Here is what you said you wanted!’ and see if they actually like it. This book is sort of a monkey’s paw version of the history I think they’re asking we learn instead.”

Although historians won’t be assigning this book in their US history courses, Petri’s documents might make you think a bit differently about those sources we all think we know so well. At the very least, readers will come away laughing.

Laura Ansley is senior managing editor at the AHA.

Tags: News North America

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Jimmy Eat World reveal UK and Europe winter tour plans

Jimmy Eat World have lined up a short run of shows in the UK and Europe for November.

The Arizona emo quartet will kick off their 2024 European vacation with a gig at Berlin's Columbiahalle on November 7, and play dates in Wiesbaden, Oberhausen, Amsterdam, Glasgow and Manchester, before rounding off the trek with their biggest ever headline show in London, at the Alexandra Palace, on November 15. 

The full schedule is as follows:

Nov 07: Berlin Columbiahalle, Germany

Nov 08: Wiesbaden Schlachihof, Germany

Nov 09: Oberhausen Turbinenhalle, Germany

Nov 11: Amsterdam Paradiso, Holland

Nov 13: Glasgow O2 Academy, UK

Nov 14: Manchester Victoria Warehouse, UK

Nov 15: London Alexandra Palace, UK

Pup will supper Jim Adkins' band at all shows.

Tickets go on sale on Friday (May 17) at 10am, with a presale available from 10am on May 14, here .

Jimmy Eat World recently celebrated the 25th anniversary of their classic album Clarity with the release of Clarity: Phoenix Sessions , recorded live during one of their 2021 livestream events . The band are currently working on new material in the studio.

Opinion I’m the worm that ate part of RFK Jr.’s brain, and I’m asking for your vote

I am brave enough to say: I am a parasite, and I don’t understand what is best for the country!

Good afternoon, fellow Americans, from the interior of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain. I am a parasitic worm. You might be wondering how I got here, or perhaps not! Most people who learned that a piece of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain was missing because a worm ate it responded with what I would characterize as “disappointment but not exactly surprise.”

Maybe you heard about me from the New York Times. Or possibly you got the news directly from the Kennedy campaign announcing that the worm that ate part of the candidate’s brain and then died in there would not affect his ability to serve as president. You know what they say: no such thing as bad publicity! Indeed, RFK Jr. has gone so far as to offer to eat five more brain worms. This is not the first time one of his statements have given me pause.

When I first arrived here, I was so excited to discover all the knowledge that the human brain must hold. But when I looked around, all I saw were conspiracy theories and mercury poisoning . Candidly, if you had said, “What do you recommended the holder of this brain do next?” I would not have said, “Run for president.” I would have said, “Get somebody else to do that. This person should go sit down.”

That is why, today, I have an announcement to make. I am eliminating the middle man and running for president myself. Yes, I am the worm that ate part of RFK Jr.’s brain, and I’m asking for your vote. I am the only candidate brave enough to say: I am a parasitic worm, and I don’t understand what is best for the country.

To those who ask, “Why should I vote for you? You are a worm somewhere around one-third of an inch in length with a knob-like attachment at one end called a scolex that sometimes is mistakenly referred to as its head!” I say: That is more medical transparency than you are going to get from any of the other candidates! I bet they have not even disclosed whether they have body cavities. (I don’t! I’m an acoelomate!)

To those who reply, “We don’t actually know that! That’s just what the symptoms are consistent with ! We haven’t done a complete examination of the exact type of worm that died in Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain after eating part of it,” I say: That is fair, and I am worm enough to grant it to you. Thank you, and I hope to receive your vote in November. Please just write in “Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s WORM, NOT THE MAN, THE WORM” on your ballot. As long as you are throwing away your vote, throw it away on a worm. That’s also my slogan.

There are many issues on which people are basing their votes in this election. Bodily autonomy. Keeping our democracy a democracy. Do you want to know my stance on the issues? I will tell you: I have no stance! I am a worm who died no later than 2012. I do not possess higher brain functions, although I have attended several, at which I feasted.

And that is exactly the sort of plenty I promise you will enjoy under rule by worm. Just look at life under Leto II, God Emperor of Dune! Jabba the Hutt (an honorary worm) ran Tatooine with very few problems for a very long time until the intervention of a rude woman in a metal bikini.

If there are worms in the brains of the other candidates, I hope they will join me in issuing statements of their own. Perhaps a simple statement covering whether they exist and whether they consider what they may or may not have eaten to be mission critical.

RFK Jr. has justified his candidacy by saying that people are overwhelmingly frustrated with the options presented to them and need a third choice. Well, I see that third choice and raise you a fourth choice: a candidate you can trust not to have any brain worms because that candidate is a brain worm. I am also not currently under indictment for any reason.

So, good people of these United States, I exhort you: Ask not what this parasite can do for you. Ask what you can do for your parasite!