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• Adoptee Support and Resources

20 of the Best Adoptee Books Out There

If you’re an adoptee, finding someone who understands your personal experiences can be tough. Everyone has their own experience, but where can you find the voices of your fellow adoptees?

In the books written by adoptees below.

Books and memoirs can be a great resource for not only learning about others’ adoption experiences but also better understanding your own. You are never alone; there is always someone out there who can empathize with what you’re feeling.

If you’re looking for extra support in your personal adoption journey, look no further than the adoptee books listed below. Remember: If you were adopted through American Adoptions, our trained specialists are always here to offer support and refer you to any additional resources you may need.

Books Written By Adoptees

When you’re adopted, the best advice can come from those who have been in your shoes . Below, find a few memoirs and other helpful books written by adoptees. Learn from their experiences, but remember: Even if their adoption experience varies from yours, it is still valid and deserves your respect.

“All You Can Ever Know”

International adoptee Nicole Chung’s memoir documents her journey as a Korean adoptee in a white, Catholic family.

“Akin to the Truth: A Memoir of Adoption and Identity”

Adoptee Paige Adams Strickland details her closed adoption experience, from childhood to adolescence.

“Birthright: The Guide to Search and Reunion for Adoptees, Birthparents and Adoptive Parents”

Adoptee Jean A. S. Strauss writes about her search for her birth parents in the 1980s, offering tips and suggestions to adoptees in reunion journeys today.

“Black Anthology: Adult Adoptees Claim Their Space”

Adult black adoptees from all circumstances and backgrounds share their experiences in this anthology.

“Blending In: Crisscrossing the Lines of Race, Religion, Family and Adoption”

Barbara Gowen details her journey as a biracial child adopted out of the foster care system in the 1960s — touching on the themes listed in the title and more.

“Ithaka: A Daughter’s Memoir of Being Found”

Sarah Saffian, who grew up in a closed adoption, recounts when her birth mother contacted her out of the blue when Saffian was age 23.

“Two Hearts: An Adoptee’s Journey Through Grief and Gratitude”

Linda Hoye, adopted through the foster care system, details her journey coming to terms with her adoptive family, birth family and her abusive marriage.

“20 Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make”

Adoptee Sherrie Eldridge tackles the difficult aspects of being an adoptee and offers tips and resources for others (like her) who have deep personal questions and issues with their adoption.

You can find a continually updated catalogue of adoption books for adoptees on AdopteeReading.com .

Research-Based Adoption Books for Adoptees and Adoptive Parents

While anecdotes and memoirs can be helpful, they may not always apply to your situation. If you’re looking for the best books for adoptees, you might also read some research-based books , such as the ones below.

“Adoption Therapy: Perspectives from Clients and Clinicians on Processing and Healing Post-Adoption Issues”

An anthology of perspectives and studies from all members of the adoption triad and mental health professionals, this book tackles the complicated aspects of long-term adoption issues for all involved.

“The Adoption Reunion Handbook”

If you’re an adoptee looking for your birth family, this book is an invaluable resource. Read about other adoptees’ reunion stories and find tips and suggestions for your upcoming journey.

“Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self”

Three authors bring together the voices of adoptees and adoptive parents to discuss their varying experiences and current psychological and educational theories.

“The Connected Child”

Researchers Dr. Karyn Purvis, Dr. David Cross and Wendy Lyons Sunshine present relational strategies to help adoptive parents form attachment and help adopted children heal from early-childhood trauma stemming from their adoption.

“The Primal Wound”

Author Nancy Newton Verrier explores the effects of birth-parent-adoptee separation in this classic adoptee book. Many adoptees claim it has helped them heal in their personal journeys.

“Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew”

Adoptee Sherrie Eldridge combines her own experiences with extensive research on adoption to educate adoptive parents on what their children may feel throughout their lives.

Best Books for Younger Adoptees

Explaining adoption to children is easier than ever, thanks to a multitude of books intended for adoptees of all ages and all backgrounds. American Adoptions encourages all our adoptive parents to make adoption an everyday topic from the moment they bring their child home, which is why we suggest the adoptee books below as a great starting point.

“Horace”

In this tale by Holly Keller, a young leopard adopted by two tigers realizes that being part of a family depends on how you feel — not how you look.

“I Don’t Have Your Eyes”

Author Carrie A. Kitze’s children’s story uplifts the love and support that really makes someone a part of the family — not the physical similarities.

“The Mulberry Bird: An Adoption Story”

Author Anne Braff Brodzinsky crafts story about a bird who can’t provide her baby the protection he needs. Instead, she chooses to place him with another family with a stronger, more secure nest.

“My Family is Forever”

Author Nancy Carlson tells of a young transracial Asian adoptee who wonders about her birth parents while appreciating all the ways she is similar to her adoptive parents.

“Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale”

Karen Katz uses her own experience as an adoptive parent in this children’s book about international adoption.

“Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born”

Jamie Lee Curtis’s children’s book focuses on a young girl asking about her adoption story, focusing on the significance of family and love.

While this list of adoptee books is a useful one, it’s by no means comprehensive. If you are looking for more books on adoption written by adoptees, consider reaching out to other adoptees for their recommendations. Happy reading!

Disclaimer Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. American Adoptions provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

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• Raising Kids
• Adoption & Foster Care

18 Books About Adoption for Kids

Help kids understand what it means to be adopted with these thoughtful books, featuring important lessons about love and family dynamics.

Parents / Alli Waataja

Looking to explain adoption to your child? Consider picking up one of these children's books, which tackle the topic in age-appropriate ways. The authors tactfully discuss family dynamics, share touching stories of love, and feature adorable characters to help kids understand what it means to be adopted.

Some Babies Are Adopted

Written by Cindy Walker

This story is told from the perspective of a birth mother who searches for a loving couple to adopt her child. It shows that people often have the best intentions when choosing adoption for their little ones.

I've Loved You Since Forever

Written by Hoda Kotb

I've Loved You Since Forever was penned by Today show co-anchor Hoda Kotb, who has two adopted daughters . The lyrical text details the love between a parent and child, complete with adorable animal visuals by Suzie Mason.

And That's Why She's My Mama

Written by Tiarra Nazario

This children’s adoption story explores the loving tasks that mamas perform (for example, kissing your boo-boos and taking you to the park). It shows that someone can be a parent without giving birth!

And Tango Makes Three

Written by   Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell

This award-winning board book follows the true story of two male penguins at Central Park Zoo who became same-sex parents when zoo staff offered them an egg to hatch. This is a lovely adoption story for anyone, but especially for LGBTQ+ families.

We Belong Together

Written by Todd Parr

Written in a kid-friendly way, this book explores how people can come together through adoption. Cheery, colorful artwork depicts a wide range of different family structures.

All About Adoption

Written by Marc Nemiroff, Ph.D. and Jane Annunziata, Psy.D.

Does your child already understand the concept of adoption? Then pick up this informative book, which provides a deeper understanding of how the adoption process works and the complex feelings many children experience after being adopted.

Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey

Written by Kelly DiBenedetto, Katie Gorczyca, and Jennifer Eckert

This adoption book is also a go-to for children in foster care. Narrator Charlie shares his thoughts and emotions while growing up with adoptive parents, including his challenges with building trust, establishing identity, and more. In addition, parents will benefit from included conversation tips, family activity recommendations, and other resources.

ABC, Adoption & Me

Written by Gayle H. Swift and Casey Anne Swift

Previously named a favorite read by Adoptive Families magazine, this ABC definition book doesn't shy away from discussing the complex issues that often come with adoption. It's packaged together with cartoon artwork that includes interracial families .

Happy Adoption Day!

Written by John McCutcheon

American folk musician John McCutcheon wrote a song called Happy Adoption Day , and he adapted it into this unique adoption book for kids. The verses come with musical notation and colorful illustrations.

Daddy Dog and Papi Panda's Rainbow Family

Written by Anthony Hale

This book featuring same-sex parents shows how people create families through adoption and surrogacy. The parents are a dog and a panda, and the children include a monkey and three cats. This book is perfect for sharing diverse families with kids, and of course, for LGBTQ+ families with adopted children.

Emma's Yucky Brother

Written by Jean Little

Emma's family adopts a young boy named Max, who thinks all sisters are yucky. As the new siblings begin to understand each other, Emma learns what it's really like to have a little brother. This unique, heartwarming story might be relatable to kids adjusting to a new sibling .

All Together Now

Written by Anita Jeram

Mommy Rabbit has three children—Bunny, Little Duckling, and Miss Mouse—and only one is a rabbit too! This family of different animals shares a story of love, family, and togetherness.

Little Miss Spider

Written by David Kirk

After Miss Spider hatches, she can't find her mother anywhere. Betty Beetle helps with the search and eventually adopts Miss Spider herself, proving that parental love can look many different ways.

Yes, I'm Adopted!

Written by Sharlie Zinniger

Written from a child's point of view, this book depicts an entire adoption journey, and it leans heavily into a focus on love. Kids will appreciate the fun rhyming verse. Note that it has religious undertones with mentions of God and prayer.

The Little Green Goose

Written by Adele Sansone

Mr. Goose wants to be a father, and when he finds an abandoned egg, he hatches it to discover a baby dinosaur. The green-skinned creature questions his identity but realizes that Mr. Goose is a loving, kind adoptive parent.

Why Was I Adopted?

Written by Carole Livingston

Adopted children have plenty of questions. Perhaps the biggest: "Why was I adopted?" This older story explains the circumstances surrounding adoption, helping eliminate confusion while encouraging open communication.

Oliver: A Story About Adoption

Written by Lois Wickstrom

After a lizard named Oliver is reprimanded by his father, he begins wishing for his birth parents. This prompts his adoptive parents to discuss their own childhood fantasies, and Oliver realizes that he's lucky to have supportive and kind parents in his life.

A Mother for Choco

Written by Keiko Kasza

A bird named Choco wants to find his mother, but he doesn't come across anyone who looks similar to him. Mrs. Bear discovers the upset Choco and comforts him as a parent would. Choco meets her other kids, including a piglet and an alligator, and realizes that families come in all different sizes . He accepts Mrs. Bear as his mother, although they don't resemble one another.

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Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey – Our Book

All proceeds support BPAR's mission !

BPAR proudly introduces you to our book:

Adoption is a lifelong journey, a tool for families touched by adoption & foster care and the professionals who help them, written by kelly dibenedetto, lmhc, atr katie gorczyca, m.a., expressive therapist and jennifer eckert, licsw, illustrated by kelly dibenedetto.

"All adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents need to read this book. It is superb." —JOE SOLL, LCSW, ADOPTEE, PSYCHOTHERAPIST & AUTHOR

Meet Charlie

Book Details

Meet Charlie!

May we introduce you to Charlie? He's the narrator of our illustrated book, Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey . Charlie's pretty special because he happens to be an adoptee, a child who opens his heart and shares what's on his mind through various phases as he grows up in his adoptive home.

We've never seen a book like this, though we've often wished for a tool just like it.   Adopted or foster kids don't often get center stage, nor do they usually know how to articulate their feelings when given a chance. Sometimes feelings translate into behaviors that leave parents or caregivers feeling perplexed, lost, and alone.

Charlie's voice brings to light common themes we often encounter in our post-adoption therapeutic practice at BPAR.  We envision families using this book to open a dialogue, to be comfortable talking about the issues surrounding adoption or foster care.  We’d love for it to be a tool used by adoption and foster care agencies, social workers, pediatricians, school nurses, and other child or family specialists.

There is no right or wrong way to raise kids, and no two experiences are the same.  With Charlie's help, we hope our book builds family connections in an effective, healing way, no matter what course the adoption journey might take.

Written from the perspective of the child, Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey provides insight into emotions and thoughts an adoptee or foster child might encounter while also equipping caregivers with timely responses and resources.

Adoption brings its own set of unique experiences of joys and challenges. While every adoption story is unique, this book highlights common themes we have seen in our work with families touched by adoption.

Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey is divided into two parts:

• Can help parents recognize sources of behavior and feelings the child isn't able to express
• Appropriate for parents to read with the child to help normalize feelings and start a discussion
• Expands on topics introduced in the illustrated portion to promote better understanding
• Offers recommendations from BPAR's team of licensed mental health professionals
• Suggests additional resources including books and websites

Topics addressed in the book:

• Settling in during the transition
• Forging family bonds in the early stages
• Building trust when there's a fear of rejection
• Instilling a sense of worth despite a feeling of abandonment
• Sharing details about origins
• Preparing for outsiders' questions
• Grappling with identity
• Knowing when to seek professional help
• Finding balance as a caregiver

Who will benefit from the book:

• Adoption and foster care agencies that want to prepare parents and caregivers early in the adoption process
• Mental health professionals (like the team at BPAR!) searching for a tool to open a dialogue
• Prospective adoptive parents interested in learning about challenges they might encounter
• Adoptive or foster parents and their extended family members looking for insight into their child's unexpressed thoughts and needs at various points in development
• Teachers and school health facilitators who want to be inclusive of all students in their assignments and conversations

Available in paperback and on Kindle

Charlie says, "Thank you for buying our book!"

Boston Post Adoption Resources (BPAR), a 501(c)(3) organization, devotes all proceeds from Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey to our mission to support and provide resources to anyone touched by adoption.

Including More Than 450 Adoptee-Recommended Titles!

Adoptee Reading is a catalog of books written by adoptees along with other adoption-related books recommended by adoptees.

If you’re new to this site, begin with the Overview and How To Use This Site .

RECENTLY ADDED

Genetic Stigma in Law and Literature: Orphanhood, Adoption, and the Right to Reunion

A Duck – but Tall in the Water . . .

Adoption and Suicidality: An Anthology of Stories, Poems, and Resources for Adoptees, Families, Healthcare Professionals, and Allies

Visit the adoptee reading store on bookshop.org.

Your purchase helps support Adoptee Reading as well as independent bookstores

NEWLY PUBLISHED

Lesley was one of six children whose mother gave them all away. Fostered then adopted by people who were simply not fit for purpose she experienced a lot of pain… Read more

This book is a wake-up call to those impacted by adoption and to those who interact with them. According to preliminary results of a groundbreaking study out of Winston-Salem State… Read more

RECENT MEMOIRS

Lucky Bastard

When he was ten years old, the author was told he’d been adopted. It was a seismic event that turned his world upside down. Nobody was who he thought they… Read more

RECENT FICTION

When the Ocean Flies

An email from a stranger tells Alison Earley that her natural father, whom she has known for only six years, has died suddenly. What begins as a short trip back… Read more

Second Choices: A Story of Belonging and Finding Home

Elise, an adoptee, had always felt like a second choice. When she fell in love with and married Evan, she believed she was finally someone’s first choice. She longed for… Read more

RECENT PSYCHOLOGY/SELF-HELP

This book is a wake-up call to those impacted by adoption and to those who interact with them. According to preliminary results of a groundbreaking study out of Winston-Salem State University (final report targeted for release in 2025), adopted people are 36.7 times more likely… Read more

The Adoptee’s Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment

Adoption is often framed by happy narratives, but the reality is that many adoptees struggle with unaddressed trauma and issues of identity and belonging. Adoptees often spend the majority of their youth without the language to explore the grief related to adoption or the permission… Read more

45 Days of Pushing Through: A Guided Journal

Are you ready for a change? Like really ready? Have you battled low self-esteem, poor internal dialogue, remnants of a traumatic childhood, abusive relationship, or simply feeling a bit… lost? You have the key to unlocking a better you… right inside yourself. In your heart, your mind,… Read more

RECENT JOURNALISM & RESEARCH

This book critically analyses the way in which traditional sociocultural and legal biases might be perpetuated against those with unknown – or unknowable – genetic ancestries. It looks to law and works of literature across differing eras and genres focussing upon such concepts as inherited… Read more

Adoption Memoirs: Inside Stories

Adoption Memoirs tells inside stories of adoption that popular media miss. Marianne Novy shows how adoption memoirs and films recount not only happy moments, but also the lasting pain of relinquishing a child, the racism and trauma that adoptees such as Jackie Kay and Jane Jeong… Read more

Out of Place: The Lives of Korean Adoptee Immigrants

Since the early 1950s, over 125,000 Korean children have been adopted in the United States, primarily by white families. Korean adoptees figure in twenty-five percent of US transnational adoptions and are the largest group of transracial adoptees currently in adulthood. Despite being legally adopted, Korean… Read more

RECENT ANTHOLOGIES

When We Become Ours: A YA Adoptee Anthology

There is no universal adoption experience, and no two adoptees have the same story. This anthology for teens edited by Shannon Gibney and Nicole Chung contains a wide range of… Read more

RECENT POETRY

Mirrors Made of Ink

A collection of sixty poems spanning moments across a lifetime, Mirrors Made of Ink focuses on the emotional catastrophe of adoption. Quist muses with varied style on family, existence, and the liminal… Read more

RECENT CHILDREN/TEENS

Monstrous: A Transracial Adoption Story

Sarah has always struggled to fit in. Born in South Korea and adopted at birth by a white couple, she grows up in a rural community with few Asian neighbors.… Read more

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Open Adoption, Open Heart: An Adoptive Father's Inspiring Journey Paperback – May 21, 2012

Open Adoption, Open Heart is the inspiring, true story of Russell and Jammie Elkins heartwarming journey. In this book, Russell offers stories, encouragement, and practical advice about the tensions and triumphs in open adoption. Their experiences take readers deep into the feelings and emotions of adoptive parents, sharing the joys, difficulties, and amazing victories that face adoptive couples. Both adoptive and biological parents need the valuable lessons that Open Adoption, Open Heart will provide. Open Adoption, Open Heart is a North American Book Awards winner.

• Book 1 of 3 Glass Half-Full Adoption Memoirs
• Print length 120 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Aloha Publishing
• Publication date May 21, 2012
• Dimensions 5.5 x 1 x 8.5 inches
• ISBN-10 161206034X
• ISBN-13 978-1612060347
• See all details

Editorial Reviews

About the author, product details.

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Aloha Publishing (May 21, 2012)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 120 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 161206034X
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1612060347
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.4 ounces
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1 x 8.5 inches

About the author

Russell elkins.

About the Author:

Russell Elkins has become a leading expert on open adoption through first-hand experience that he now shares in his series Glass Half-full Adoption Memoirs. He has enjoyed being on discussion panels, writing for a variety of adption-related publications, and teaching classes regarding struggles and beauties of open adoption.

Russell has always been a family man at heart, looking forward to the day when he could be a husband and a father. It took him a little while, but eventually his eyes locked onto a beautiful blonde, and he has never looked away. Russell and Jammie were married in 2004. They had the same goals for their home and didn't want to wait too long before starting their family. However, filling their home quickly with children wasn't in the cards, and they found themselves weighing their options to overcome problems with infertility. Their lives changed dramatically the day they decided to adopt.

Russell and Jammie have adopted two beautiful children, Ira and Hazel, and have embraced their role as parents through open adoption. Both are actively engaged in the adoption community by communicating through social media, taking part in discussion panels, and writing songs about adoption.

Russell was born on Andrews Air Force Base near Washington, D.C. Along with his five siblings, he and his military family moved around a lot, living in eight different houses by the time he left for college at age seventeen. Although his family moved away from Fallon, Nevada, just a few months after he left for college, he still considers that little oasis in the desert to be his childhood hometown.

Even after leaving home, Russell always stayed close to his family. He shared an apartment with each of his three brothers at different times during his college career. They formed a band together back in the 1990s and still perform on a regular basis under the name of The Two in the Middle.

After nearly a decade of college and changing his major a few times, Russell received his bachelor's degree in sociology from Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. He later graduated from Ameritech College where he learned the trade of being a dental lab technician. Russell and his family now live in Meridian, Idaho.

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Customers find the book great, fun, and a page-turner. They describe the story as amazing, mesmerizing, and engaging.

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Customers find the book a great read. They say it's a page-turner, beautifully written memoir, and fun. Readers also mention the book is informative and engaging.

"...and then the adoption of their first son are shared in a beautifully written memoir ...." Read more

" Good guide , story and explanation. Just luck of writing professionalism, but still well worth money and time. Thank you xoxo" Read more

"...It was fun to read the book and remember all the events that took place and even read some things Jammie and Russell felt before even adopting...." Read more

"...The book really sucked me in and I found myself putting my self in each situation and trial Russell and Jammie faced to see how I would of handled..." Read more

Customers find the story amazing, mesmerizing, interesting, and engaging. They also say it's refreshing.

"...is told from the adoptive father's perspective, which I found both refreshing and interesting. It is open and in-depth...." Read more

"Good guide, story and explanation . Just luck of writing professionalism, but still well worth money and time. Thank you xoxo" Read more

"...to each other and i'm sure will continue to you as you read this amazing true story ." Read more

"...Overall, a wonderful story and I highly recommend it." Read more

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Local News | It started with a book about adoption: How…

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Local News | It started with a book about adoption: How DNAngels helped in decades-long journey to find biological parents

It was around 1980 when they gave me “Why Was I Adopted?” by Carole Livingston. The book is meant to help parents like mine answer questions children frequently ask when told they’re adopted.

Now, at 54, I really don’t recall much from when they told me or any questions I asked them. Recently, I asked my mother why they adopted me instead of having a second biological child, and she told me it was because they knew there were children who needed homes. She said they told me about it because keeping secrets like that can only lead to problems later in life.

For more than four decades, I wondered why I was given away and who my original “mom” and “dad” were. I thought about the family that might have been. But it wasn’t until this year that I finally got answers.

With the help of DNAngels (pronounced DNA Angels), an Illinois-based nonprofit I learned of on Facebook, in late January, I discovered the identity of my biological parents — my mother is 75, and my father died in 2009 at 62. I have a half-brother (born June 1981) and half-sister (born June 1971), along with six nieces and nephews (ages 16 to 30) and many cousins.

DNAngels is a 501(c)3 nonprofit whose staff of almost 100 volunteers helps people find biological parents at no charge using DNA and research — additional fee-based services are available. It was founded in 2019 by Laura Olmsted, its executive director, and relies entirely on funding and in-kind donations from foundations, corporations and individuals.

In February 2018, I took a DNA test from Ancestry , and the results revealed many matches — some as close as first or second cousins. These were the first “blood” relatives I ever knew, but exchanging messages on the site with some of them over several months didn’t lead anywhere. Then, the COVID-19 pandemic struck in 2020, and I stopped thinking about finding my biological family until 2024.

It was Jan. 22 when I reached out to DNAngels after seeing its Facebook ad in my feed upon joining a group for people from Michigan seeking information about their biological parents. Its volunteers took my Ancestry DNA test results and matches, then used their knowledge of genealogy along with research tools to put together my origin story.

They started working on my case early in the afternoon on Jan. 23, and about seven hours later, my “lead angel” was sharing with me details of what she’d discovered. By Friday morning, I had learned who my biological father was; I was talking on the phone with my birth mother and later in the day with my half-brother and half-sister (all of us have different fathers).

Where things began

I was born Feb. 22, 1970, at William Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak to Nancy Brown, 20, of Ferndale (I now live in Volusia County). She never held me and only got a glimpse of me as I was wheeled out of the delivery room in a bassinet, but she remembered that I had a very full head of hair. A high school friend, another Nancy, who drove her to the hospital while in labor, saw me and told her I had the longest legs she’d ever seen on a baby (I guess that explains my height of 6 feet, 6 inches).

Nancy said that when she realized she was pregnant, she knew right away that she wouldn’t keep the baby. Her mother pressured her to give up the baby, too.

“That was what I wanted to do right from the get-go,” she said. “I knew I just didn’t want to bring you home.

“I was 20. I had a big social life. I liked the boys, and the boys liked me. So I thought, ‘Hey, have a baby, give it away to somebody who probably couldn’t have children, so I could go back to my own life.'”

Although she didn’t keep me, she did give me something when I was born — even if it was only temporary.

“(The doctor) asked me what I was going to name you, and I said I wasn’t keeping you. He said, ‘Well, you have to give him a name.’ He said, ‘How ’bout we name him George?’ I said OK,” Nancy recalled. “That was the doctor’s name. And then it didn’t occur to me, but that was also George Washington’s birthday.”

So I was George Brown until weeks later when a married couple in their mid-20s adopted me from the agency I was placed with and renamed me Brian.

Nancy grew up in Ferndale and, as an adult, lived in other states, including Florida, New Jersey and North Carolina. She was married three times and last divorced in 1992. She moved into her current house in Hazel Park, which borders Ferndale, in 1991. Both cities are just a few miles from the house in Madison Heights, where I grew up and lived until 1988 when my parents moved.

Nancy told me it was May 1969 when the other Nancy (who she’s still friends with) introduced her to her neighbor Clyde DeLong Jr. — my biological father. They went on one date, and I was the only lasting result. About six weeks later, Nancy saw Clyde again and told him she was pregnant, but he denied he was the father. She never saw or heard from him again.

After I was born, Nancy said she remained in the hospital for five days because, back then, that’s how long the baby stayed. On the day she left, she was at a party that night.

“I was at an aunt and uncle’s 25th wedding anniversary that night,” Nancy said. “I didn’t feel so good, and because I had kept the pregnancy pretty secret, I had put on a girdle and went to the party.”

She said it wasn’t until my sister was in her 20s that she revealed to her she wasn’t the firstborn child.

“We were in a restaurant, and her and I were arguing about something at the table, and I said to her, “Well, at least I kept you!’ and she said, ‘What?'” Nancy recalled.

She said in the 1990s, she and my sister went to the Oakland County courthouse (the county where I was born) in Pontiac and filed paperwork — with their names and other personal information — giving permission to release it to me if I came seeking it. But the idea of doing that never occurred to me.

“I didn’t have any problem with you finding me,” Nancy said. But she admits that after the passing of so many years, she didn’t think she’d ever hear from me. “I always thought once I filled out that paperwork and never heard a thing in years, and years went by, that you didn’t even know you were adopted or that you were dead.”

Ready to meet

I knew quickly that if I felt things with Nancy were going well, I’d want to fly to Michigan to meet her and other relatives. By late March, I was ready and booked a flight out of Orlando International Airport for April 29. I spent 10 days meeting my new family as well as visiting with my parents.

I arrived at Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County Airport around noon and, about two hours later, was in my Airbnb in Ferndale — just a couple of miles from where Nancy lived. At 5 p.m. I pulled into her driveway to meet for the first time before going to dinner.

I brought her flowers, and we hugged, but I didn’t get as emotional as I thought I would in the moment. I jokingly told her the only thing that would’ve made finding her any better was if she’d been wealthy, and she retorted that it would’ve been nice if I’d been a doctor instead of a journalist.

Most of my time in Michigan was spent getting to know Nancy, learning more about our ancestors and meeting relatives. We had several get-togethers, including lunch with my sister (my brother didn’t show, so we never met), breakfast with one nephew, breakfast with a group of cousins and a gathering at my oldest niece’s apartment, where I met her husband, another niece and nephew as well as my sister’s husband. I also met the other Nancy, who was there when I was born.

One day, Nancy took me to the neighborhood where she grew up, and we visited a cemetery where many relatives are buried, including her mother. Then I took her to the neighborhood where I grew up, and we even walked in the woods right behind my childhood home. I also showed her many photos of myself growing up so she could get a glimpse of my childhood.

I returned to Florida on May 8. I recently asked Nancy about the experience of reuniting with the son she gave away.

“I mean, it was a little strange,” she said. “Well, I mean, you didn’t look like the other two, but all my kids have different fathers.”

She pointed out that, like her other children and herself, we’re all tall and have big feet. Her parents were also tall — but I’m the tallest among my immediate family.

Nancy and I still talk by phone regularly, and the relationship seems to be going well — I’ve invited her to come visit me in January.

As far as my brother and sister, we haven’t talked since my visit — neither seem interested in a relationship, but that’s nothing new for me. I have another sister — my parents’ biological child who’s almost four years older — and we haven’t had any kind of relationship in decades. I was a handful growing up, and I’m sure that has something to do with why we haven’t talked or seen each other in more than 20 years.

Searching begins

As much as I thought about finding my biological family over decades, the idea of navigating the Michigan legal system to open a sealed adoption record seemed daunting. For adoptions between May 28, 1945, and Sept. 12, 1980, you can’t get an original birth certificate without a court order. Arizona is the only other state that has similar laws. However, Michigan legislators are trying to change the law to make it easier for adoptees to get information.

Discovering DNAngels had me cautiously optimistic. I did a little investigating on Google to see what others had to say about it, and I found only positive reviews. I then went to the website ( DNAngels.org ) and filled out a short form requesting a “search angel.”

On the evening of Jan. 22, I went through a short screening process (about 30 minutes) on Facebook Messenger with a volunteer and provided her with screenshots showing top matches from my Ancestry DNA test. After looking those over, she told me DNAngels would take me as a client.

I then shared my raw DNA test results and access to my family tree on Ancestry with her, and she sent me an invitation to DNAngels’ private Facebook group of current and former clients. I joined it and was now on the waitlist for someone to start working on my case. But I didn’t have to wait long.

On Jan. 23 at 1:56 p.m. I got a message saying Katharine Saunders was assigned “lead angel” and would begin work soon. Communication takes place through Messenger, which ensures there’s a record of conversations you can look back at even after work is done. For those without Messenger, communication can take place by email, but I was told the process is quicker using Facebook.

Saunders, 42, a married mother of three young children who lives in Texas, started volunteering with DNAngels in 2022. In early July, she left her position to focus on her family, but during her time with the group, she said she helped identify over 160 birth parents.

Saunders said she’s been involved with genealogy most of her life. She and her mother spent years working with DNA testing to check the biological accuracy of a family tree her maternal grandmother created long before computers. During the pandemic, Saunders took formal genealogical training courses online through Boston University and the Salt Lake Institute of Genealogy.

At 2:04 p.m., she told me work was getting underway and generally takes a few days for results. My response: “I’ve waited decades now, so a few days won’t matter.”

A few minutes later, she provided an overview of how the process works.

Saunders told me it starts by sorting matches from Ancestry into groups to establish my line of grandparents. Then she starts linking matches to each other based on their common ancestors and placing them onto a new family tree on Ancestry, which eventually leads to my most recent common ancestor.

“We’re making connections. I can give you a general ‘Where are we now’ later this evening. It’s still early stages,” she told me at 4:52 p.m.

At 9:02 p.m., Saunders told me: “I believe we may have identified your Birth Mother. When you have about 30 minutes, please let me know, and I can tell you what we have determined.”

A short time later, I finished work for the day and told her I was ready to learn what she’d discovered.

Saunders said the first thing the team did was sort matches into groups. On the side of “Parent two,” my birth mother, she said the team identified two main groups of DNA: one from Florence Knights and John Brown Sr. (my paternal great-grandparents) and the other from Walter Cullingford and Hannah Turner (my maternal great-grandparents).

She told me John Brown Jr. (1923-1994) and Shirley E. Cullingford (1921-1998) were married Sept. 7, 1946, in Detroit and divorced in 1951 (they were my maternal grandparents). On the 1950 census, they listed one child — a daughter named Nancy Brown. The team believed she was most likely my birth mother.

“We found an address for Nancy and her mother Shirley in Hazel Park, Michigan, which I believe is very close to where you were placed for adoption,” Saunders said. “And it looks like Nancy is still alive and has a son.”

In the course of her research, Saunders utilized programs such as What Are the Odds to determine if her hypotheses were likely. WATO analyzes relationships to individuals based on amounts of shared DNA expressed in centimorgans. A centimorgan is a genetic unit of measurement utilized by genetic genealogists to determine how closely two people might be related.

Now that I knew the identities of the people, Saunders provided me with background reports on Nancy and her son, which included addresses, emails, phone numbers, first-degree relatives as well as social media accounts and criminal history. The reports are based on publicly available information, and she said the goal was to equip me with the necessary details to establish meaningful connections.

Things were more complicated when it came to identifying my biological father.

“One side is French Canadian, which means we need to go into records written in French,” Saunders told me via Messenger. “The other side looks probably Polish, which also presents a complication due to a lack of records from that country. But we are working on it.

“We don’t close anything when we’re working adoptions until we’ve solved both sides.”

Reaching out

The next step for me was to decide how to reach out to Nancy. I could do it myself using information from the background report, or for a $125 donation, use DNAngels’ liaison service, and a trained volunteer would reach out on my behalf. I went with the liaison because I was nervous about doing it myself.

A volunteer named Ashlee Krump, research team lead at DNAngels, would be my liaison and on the afternoon of Jan. 24, she explained to me how the process works.

First, the team does all it can to verify they have the correct contact information. Then she starts calling, and if she gets her on the phone, she’d “delicately” explain the situation and whatever my goal is for having contact and help facilitate that. If attempts to contact her by phone were unsuccessful, she’d attempt to reach her by email and then, eventually, after a few days, use regular mail deliverable only to her with a signature. She told me around 8 p.m. she’d start calling the next day.

At 3:53 p.m. Jan. 25, she sent me a message: “I believe we have the correct number! Her voicemail identified her by name, and her voice sounded in the correct age range. I am going to try calling again in an hour or two. If she still does not answer, I will leave a message for her.”

I told Ashlee I was curious about what kind of voicemail message she leaves in this type of situation.

“I usually introduce myself and say who I am trying to reach and mention a relative’s name, such as her parent or grandparent, ‘I am trying to reach Nancy Brown, the granddaughter of … ‘ — and let them know I am trying to get a hold of them regarding a family matter that is easier to explain over the phone, but I am happy to speak over text or email if they prefer. This helps to disarm them a bit and alleviates some concerns about scams/spam. People tend to be less defensive and more curious.”

Ashlee said she left a voicemail with her phone number and kept her phone on her day and night — that way, Nancy could reach out anytime. I went to bed that night, hoping for the best. And the next morning, I woke up to a message she’d sent at 2:17 a.m.

“Hi, Brian! Wonderful news! I heard back from Nancy. She is very happy to speak with you! She had been wanting to find out more about you as well. She told me your father’s name is Clyde Delong, who was from Tennessee. He was visiting Michigan, and they had a one-night stand. Clyde did not believe he could be your father when she told him. Katharine will work on verifying he is the correct person via DNA (sometimes memories can be wrong, but Nancy was very upfront and honest, so I have no reason to believe she’d give the wrong name on purpose). She has a daughter born in 1971. Nancy said that her mother put a lot of pressure on her to have you adopted, mainly because she was so young. Nancy is going to send you a text and then call you when you are available Friday.”

When Nancy first got the call from Ashlee, she saw on her caller ID it was from an unrecognized number in Oregon. She told me she didn’t know anyone from there, so she blocked the number. Later, she saw that she had a voicemail message, so she went ahead and listened.

“She repeated two names, and she said, ‘Are these my parents?’ and I was like dumbfounded, why are you mentioning my parents?” Nancy said. “So I looked at the clock, and by then, it was like one o’clock in the morning my time, and I thought, well, what the heck, I don’t care.”

She called the number, and Ashlee answered. Nancy told her who she was, and Ashlee explained why she’d called. After the call, around 2 a.m., Nancy called her daughter and woke her up to share the news: “All I said was your brother’s name is Brian, and he lives in Florida. And that woke her up.”

The next morning at 11:19 a.m. I received a text message from Nancy.

“Hi Brian my name is Nancy and as you might have been told already I gave birth to you at Beaumont hospital in Royal oak on February 22nd 1970 I want to leave everything up to you so call or text me when you feel up to it. I am on my way home from work right now.”

I called her right away, and over the course of the day, I talked and texted with her, my brother and my sister.

Nancy confirmed that Clyde was the father, and Saunders was then able to explain why she couldn’t say earlier that research showed he was likely my birth father.

“We actually already had Clyde Delong in your tree before your birth mother named him,” she said. “But we didn’t have enough proof at the time to present him as a birth father candidate.”

DNA revealed that another man who also served in Germany in the Quartermaster Corps with Clyde’s father was his actual biological father and not the man listed on his birth certificate.

“We do not know if the family has any idea about this,” Saunders said. “But that is a very common discovery in this work as we let the DNA lead the investigation.”

I don’t know a lot about Clyde, but information gathered by DNAngels indicates he had no other children and all his siblings or half-siblings are deceased. He died Aug. 2, 2009, in Glynn County, Georgia, at 62.

Ready to help

For others like myself who seek answers to questions about their biological family, Olmsted, DNAngels’ founder, said the organization takes most cases.

One requirement is that you have results from an Ancestry DNA test. That’s because Ancestry has many millions more test results than other sites, and most of its matches are linked to family trees. The trees of shared matches have a common ancestor, and DNAngels uses that to narrow its focus to a family tree.

Another requirement is that clients search for a biological parent in the countries it serves — the United States, United Kingdom, Australia and Puerto Rico.

Since DNAngels’ inception, the organization has taken on more than 7,000 cases. Olmsted said the group has solved 90% of those cases — almost 70% were solved within the first seven days of starting work on them.

Although my personal experience of finding my biological family has been generally positive, I know that things don’t always turn out that way. When DNAngels reached out to Nancy, she was open to communicating and getting to know me — but there was no certainty that would be the result. I’ve read about the experiences of other adoptees helped by DNAngels whose biological families wanted nothing to do with them and the pain that caused.

When I told my parents I’d found my birth mother and had other siblings, they made it clear to me they wanted nothing to do with them — because this was my journey, not theirs.

For that reason and many others, Olmsted said having a support system in place before embarking on a journey like mine is important.

“Whether it be clergymen, or a spouse, or a family member or a best friend, someone needs to be there to support you through the journey,” she said. “You really need to have that support system in place before, during and after the process of identifying your biological truth.”

She said the journey adoptees go through has five phases: learning you’re adopted, the DNA testing/research phase, the identification phase, the reunion phase and, finally, the recovery phase.

“That’s the phase that you’re in right now, is the phase where you’re getting to know your biological mother, and you’re starting to heal some of those wounds that may have been created by the abandonment that you were even unaware of,” Olmsted said.

I’ve never had feelings of abandonment because I’d been put up for adoption — but I’ve read comments from others in my Facebook groups who do have those feelings and pain from it. I always felt if my biological parents didn’t want to raise me, I was better off with them giving me up for a family that did.

But being at peace with knowing I was given up at birth didn’t conflict with my desire to know where I came from. Fortunately, an organization like DNAngels exists to help people like me find answers.

“It’s a fundamental human right to know who your biological parents and ancestors are,” Olmsted said. “You don’t have a biological right to a relationship, but you have a right to the knowledge.”

Brian Bell is metro editor at the Orlando Sentinel. He can be reached at [email protected].

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