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Nightmare Logic

By power trip.

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Nightmare Logic

Best New Music

By Zoe Camp

Southern Lord

March 1, 2017

No one throws a party like Power Trip . In the years since their 2008 inception, the Dallas crossover quintet has come to embody the platonic ideal of heavy metal escapism, in person and on record. Genre boundaries get blown to smithereens during their rambunctious, pretension-free concerts; they’ll play with anyone who’s willing to get noisy, be it New Orleans bounce queen Big Freedia , moody post-punk outfit Merchandise , or black metal darlings Deafheaven . Power Trip’s excellent debut album, 2013’s Manifest Decimation , further solidified this reputation by translating their live ferocity to wax. One album on, nine years in, Power Trip have mastered the rager. They now turn their focus to widespread revelry with Nightmare Logic —a mission that goes off with a big, beautiful bang.

Nightmare Logic doesn’t find Power Trip making any significant shifts to the no-holds-barred approach they showcased so powerfully on their debut. It’s an LP crafted in its predecessor’s literal spitting image, from the proliferative gang vocals and thrash beatdowns right down to the eight-track runtime and gory old-school artwork. Frontman Riley Gale still huffs, puffs, and howls like a rabid wolf, a feral intermediary through which the band issues blistering, occasionally loony indictments of corrupt politicians (“Ruination”) and greedy, polluting CEOs (“If Not Us Then Who”). Gale’s bandmates match these screeds with litanies of their own: particularly guitarist Blake Ibanez, a hardcore titan ( and occasional shoegazer ) whose slithering riffs incessantly run amok. Even the audience can’t escape Power Trip’s leaden censure. On “Waiting Around to Die,” Gale delivers this sputtering, incendiary pep talk with a rage so palpable you can almost feel it shaking you by the shoulders: “You’re waiting around to die, how can you live with it?/Just waiting around to die, AND I CAN’T FUCKING STAND IT!!!”

Thrash has always been a goofy genre with a morbid sense of humor: a direct consequence of the genre’s primordial days in the Reagan era, when trolling the silent majority doubled as a pre-eminent past-time and a form of protest. Like their peers Iron Reagan and Skeletonwitch , Power Trip view the impending apocalypse as a cause for celebration, powered by schadenfreude. Evangelical Christians are treated to particularly hilarious roastings. “Executioner’s Tax (Swing of the Axe),” the album’s best song, sees Gale calling the bluff of all those Bible-Belters who’d so passionately pleaded for the arrival of the man upstairs, only to come face-to-face with the titular killer-for-hire when the End of Days finally arrives. “You’ve prayed for so long, and now you have your chance/The executioner’s here, and he’s sharpening his axe!”

Power Trip’s new attention to detail pushes  Nightmare Logic  over the edge. It’s abundantly clear that they’ve spent hours at the dissection table with Manifest Decimation , amplifying—but not recycling—its best hooks and theatrics, trimming off the static scar tissue. They’ve chopped a few seconds of extraneous riffing here, a repeated breakdown there; it’s an impressive operation, considering their debut was plenty lean and mean. The nit-picking pays off, as Nightmare Logic outmatches the preceding LP across all verticals, from cohesion and catchiness to impact and atmosphere.

The band’s secret weapon remains producer and Sumerlands guitarist Arthur Rizk, or as I like to call him, the Ariel Rechtshaid of heavy music; Code Orange’s Forever and Prurient’s Frozen Niagara Falls are just two of the bevy of ambitious records he’s worked on. A master of dynamic contrast and sonic feints, Rizk’s the textbook definition of a board-wizard. Under his command, Ibanez’s already-huge tremolo riffs on “Executioner’s Tax”, “ Firing Squad ,” and the title track become hulking, like a stampede of hellish racehorses against the thundering backbeat. Meanwhile, in the back of the mix, the rhythm section ebbs and flows to accommodate the axework, ensuring sustained impact and easy passage from one ripper to the next. Rizk again runs Gale’s yelps through a heap of effects, rendering every syllable an echo-laden boom from on high. And in spite of its sheer heft, Rizk makes  Nightmare Logic  a crisp, nuanced listen; like the band themselves, he strikes a rare balance between modern intricacy and old-school aggression, nodding to tradition without over-relying on tropes.

You don’t need to be a metalhead to have a blast with Nightmare Logic . Screamed sardonics, persistent chug, and apocalyptic melodrama are all acquired tastes, sure. But Power Trip’s fist-pumping choruses, ricocheting grooves, and ample charm are so animated that they leave us with something addictive and, well, fun . Just like Metallica, the Texans pitch a big tent, where the only prerequisite for entry is a willingness to splash around in the bloodbath for half an hour. With  Nightmare Logic , there’s a good chance you’ll stick around for a good, long soak.

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Power Trip Nightmare Logic Louise Brown , March 8th, 2017 12:40

The first howl on the new Power Trip full-length was written prophetically as the 2016 primaries battled in and around the band's homestate of Texas. Raised on a punk rock diet, in a college-town where positive hardcore bands played alongside power-violence acts without batting an eye, the outcome of the election was just a dystopian madness that they never imagined. As the album, now mixed, mastered and packaged with artwork from the ever-disturbing Paulo Girardi, filters onto the streets, that nightmare is real. Power Trip, unwittingly, have soundtracked our anger, confusion and desperation in 32 minutes of tormenting thrash metal.

Nightmare Logic builds quickly into an anguished, otherworldly rumble with unsettling, industrialised noise – perhaps the masterstroke of Prurient and Terrorism producer Arthur Rizk who moulds Nightmare Logic from just another retro thrash offering into a shape-shifting, harrowing beast. When the breakdown come in – and by breakdown we mean both musical and philosophical – frontman Riley Gale yelps in genuine pain. There is a menacing groove and fiery fury in the guitars of Blake Ibanez and Nick Stewart, while rhythmically Chris Whetzal and Ulsh pound bass and drums respectively with all the frustration of the socially displaced.

When thrash metal was born out of a collision of hardcore punk and heavy metal in the 1980s it was with a backdrop of similar political vexation. Thrash bands such as Nuclear Assault, Megadeth and Sepultura wrote songs that railed against war, injustice and corruption. As thrash made a welcome revival in the mid-2000s it took on a more lurid palette, drawing on the Troma tropes of toxic mutants and beer-bonging aliens. Power Trip are bringing back alienation, angst and terror to heavy metal at a time it needs it most. Lest not forget that Power Trip started life as a hardcore band, a hardcore band raised on Napalm Death and Metallica on either side of a TDK-60 maybe, but part of a positive outlook, DIY culture that saw them tour Europe for the first time with perky straightedge behemoths Bane. Despite debut 'Manifest Decimation's metallic leanings, and their signing to Sunn O))) overlord Greg Anderson's Southern Lord label as part of his mopping up of any new band that sounded like they could soundtrack the downfall of man, Power Trip were sorely ignored by the metal masses. Nightmare Logic looks to right that wrong. It's their revenge.

But at the heart of Nightmare Logic is not an anger at being judged too harshly, it's at home where they direct all their ire. The album is unashamedly outspoken on topics that have been distant from the centre of heavy metal – and the band are not afraid of taking their music to the core of a scene they see failing its fans when it comes to message-driven music. Whether it's a tirade against fanatical Christians on 'Soul Sacrifice' or 'Crucifixation', criticising social apathy on 'Executioner's Tax' or 'Waiting To Die' or a cry for revolt on 'Firing Squad' and 'Ruination', Gale's lyrics are a call to action, backed by relentless, crushing thrash metal. This is no retro throwback, Power Trip have poured their genuine, obsessive love of early thrash, but also Cro-Mags, Prong and Black Flag to create a boiling pot of modern metal mastery. When people look back on 2017, with all its disorientation, Nightmare Logic will be remembered for being both its salve and its solution.

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Meet Power Trip, a band determined to wreak havoc with the system

They’ve taken thrash’s template and doused it with filth, and they’re kicking political apathy in the face. Meet Power Trip, a band determined to fuck up the system

The world is going to hell right now. But as society fractures, the one cliché we’ve been told we can rely on is that impending doom and political uncertainty will result in great art. The climate in America is at its most conservative since the original thrash boom raged against Reagan. It’s been a while, but we live in hope that metal is ready to fight against the system once again.

“I was asked about whether metal could be political still,” Power Trip vocalist Riley Gale snorts. “And I think it’s bullshit to say that it couldn’t. It’s always been about going against the grain and pushing the boundaries – not just in music but also in the way we think. But I’m no political science major, I can only try and deconstruct what I think is wrong. I’m more interested in what my songs mean to you! I want to know how what I write affects people.”

Once Riley gets on a roll, he’s almost impossible to stop. Having been front and centre of one of the most explosive and vibrant thrash bands of the past decade, he’s got used to running his mouth at maximum pace. But he has a level of intelligence and intellect that is totally at odds with the lazy, meat-headed metal dude stereotype. In fact, the inspiration for Power Trip’s lyrical standpoint came while Riley was studying English at college around the time of their 2009 Armageddon Blues EP.

“I got into this ‘Intro To Rhetoric’ class with this professor called Dr Kyle Jensen,” explains Riley. “He was the shit, so intelligent, and I just wanted to take every class I could with him. And I was already thinking about the future, accepting the fact that we were going to see World War Three. I knew, even 10 years ago, that we were going to see this huge global change that would redefine what being human is because of technology. I don’t feel comfortable in this environment. My professor really encouraged me to continue that thinking, to take these French post-modern philosophy classes and watch the news every day from many different sources. It really made me realise my place in the world. So every record is about, ‘Oh, the world is fucked!’ I wrote the new one before Trump was even elected! I mean, I didn’t need to change anything!”

Since forming in Texas in 2008, just for, as Riley puts it, “Something cool to do to pass the time”, Power Trip have mutated from a fun hobby to one of the most vital bands around. After releasing a couple of EPs and one excellent full-length album in 2013’s Manifest Decimation , they became hotly tipped in underground circles. But newcomers and existing fans alike have been blown away by latest album Nightmare Logic ’s brand of brutal, warp-speed crossover – it takes everything that Power Trip have done up to this point and makes it hit harder, faster and more often. It’s like a trip through some of heavy music’s most glorious moments; everything from Testament to Agnostic Front to Sepultura to Obituary are represented. If you like your music heavy, harsh and abrasive, and feel that you have been underserved over the last few years, Power Trip have got your back.

“The problem with metal recently has been that it’s either too polished, like Avenged Sevenfold or Five Finger Death Punch, or bands have a gimmick or try to step out of the box just to be different,” says Riley. “The new thrash records are way too polished. I think part of our appeal is that people think we sound old as shit! We still try and have our own sound, but I guess we aren’t reinventing the wheel. It’s a mixture of something modern with an old-school approach.”

The ‘old-school approach’ means being able to cut it live, and, with Power Trip about to head over to our shores with Napalm Death and Brujeria, they’ll need to show their prowess.

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“I always say that if you put us in front of anyone that likes heavy music, they are going to leave liking our band,” Riley confidently predicts. “We toured with Lamb Of God and Anthrax at the end of 2015. We were the opening band and no one knew who we were. So me and Chris [Ulsh], our drummer, would walk through the crowd just before we were due to come on. There would always be some country motherfucker like [adopts Southern drawl], ‘Let’s get these faggot opening bands out the way!’, and then after we’d play, he’d be at our merch stand telling us we were the greatest opening band he’d ever seen. I remember seeing videos of those early thrash and hardcore shows and they looked genuinely dangerous. We want it to be that wild again, no matter how big the venue, no matter where we are on the bill – we want to instigate people losing their minds.”

It all points to a bright future… for Power Trip at least. For society at large? Riley isn’t so sure.

“I’m constantly thinking about the future,” he says. “The song Executioner’s Tax is about people just plugging into technology, eating whatever they want and waiting to die. Just checking out of life and wanting a nice, warm, comfy death. And I’m like, ‘Nah! Fuck that!’ Let’s try and do something about the world if we don’t like it or if we’re really that unhappy. We aren’t meant to sit in some small apartment and wait for The Reaper to show up! I guess a lot of it is because I know I won’t reach old age, or I’ll end up an empty shell of myself. I guess once you accept that, it’s actually quite empowering.”

Despite this attitude, and the disdain Riley has for those currently holding control of the world, there is a message of hope and positivity within Power Trip’s music: they’re not giving up yet, and neither should we.

“We’re honoured to be sharing a stage with a band like Napalm Death,” he tells us. “I look at the way that Barney [Greenway, frontman] talks to people onstage. It’s not just the level of passion and belief he has, but the eloquence and the intelligence and the empathy for his fellow man. That’s inspiring to me. That’s where I aim to be. I’m not there yet, but I believe in the power of the human spirit. I think we can make it through, whatever hell we are about to go through.”

Power Trip play the Campaign For Mutual Destruction tour

Power Trip - Nightmare Logic album review

Since blagging his way onto the Hammer team a decade ago, Stephen has written countless features and reviews for the magazine, usually specialising in punk, hardcore and 90s metal, and still holds out the faint hope of one day getting his beloved U2 into the pages of the mag. He also regularly spouts his opinions on the Metal Hammer Podcast.

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Power Trip's top five metal albums: 'You could mosh your ass off to this one'

Ahead of the release of their new album, Nightmare Logic, the Texan thrash band’s Riley Gale guides us through his favorite metal releases of all time

Leeway – Desperate Measures (1991)

I would say the first big record that was a huge influence on the band in the early days was the second Leeway record, Desperate Measures. Born to Expire was really cool, but I thought Desperate Measures just had this really cool songwriting going on – it wasn’t as fast, but it was still very, very metal. It was kind of groovy, and Eddie [Sutton] had this really wild vocal style that I never even tried to capture. When we started the band, it was more like crossover by way of New York hardcore, so obviously we liked Cro-Mags and Nuclear Assault and all that stuff, but Leeway – who are from Queens, New York – and the Icemen got a lot of love. At our first show, we actually covered the intro to the [Leeway] song called Kingpin. We did that a few times; I’ve always loved that riff in that song, so we just played around with that at the first couple shows. I still love that record – to this day, I can still put it on and not get tired of it.

Sacrilege – Behind the Realms of Madness (1985)

When we started writing our first album Manifest Decimation, I remember the rest of the band getting into Sacrilege with me and Chris Ulsh. Behind the Realms of Madness was a huge one. I just thought vocally that Lynda “Tam” Simpson was so cool and sounded cooler than any thrash vocalist I had heard. Everything about that record is awesome to me; it’s got those cool, almost rock’n’roll-style riffs, but it’s very punk – you could mosh your ass off to this one.

Bolt Thrower – Those Once Loyal (2005)

I always thought Bolt Thrower had the craziest artwork. I noticed the Warhammer comparisons and was always curious about them, until one day I bought Realm of Chaos, and got into Bolt Thrower from there. But I think if I had to pick one record, I would say Those Once Loyal, the last one they did. We’re not heavily influenced by them, mostly because it’s straight-up death metal and we don’t use any double bass in our songs, but the riffs in that are just so catchy. I get The Killchain stuck in my head for days at a time. I’ve always really loved their style, and [when] we played with them once and those guys all came out to the show and said a bunch of really nice things about us afterwards. That was the coolest metal set I’ve seen in my entire life, too, because it was basically just a no-holds-barred hardcore show; there was no barricade, no security, the band wasn’t tripping about kids stage-diving or anything, so everyone was going nuts the whole time.

Anti-Cimex – Scandinavian Jawbreaker (2009)

Another one would definitely be Anti-Cimex’s Scandinavian Jawbreaker, for sure. That was an example of “punk band goes metal” done right. Some of it is kind of cheesy, but it’s still really cool – you can tell that they heard the Cro-Mags and heard some New York hardcore, and started bringing it into their music. I had also heard the earlier stuff, and Chris Ulsh and I were obsessed with trying to get the right d-beats – we have this very distinct drumming style in our band, and we take that straight off of them, for sure. There are so many things that can go wrong when you go from punk to metal too, whether there’s questionable vocals, or the riffs aren’t there, or maybe you have an overzealous drummer and there’s too much going on. I really hate the generic thrash beat, and I don’t think anybody in the band likes it, so that’s what we try to take from bands that actually had a sense of rhythm and rock’n’roll – anybody who actually gave a shit about Motörhead beyond Ace of Spades and that could actually play in the pocket. I think it’s just one of these things where I want to hear a catchy song; I guess I still have a very pop music heart, the stuff I want [to hear] is from bands that aren’t doing anything crazy experimental, just good riffs and catchy songs, and some thought-provoking lyrics.

Iron Age – The Sleeping Eye (2009)

I love that record, and Power Trip definitely wouldn’t be the band we are without Iron Age. Those guys are sort of like our older brothers, and showed me a lot of really good music, not just thrash metal but a lot of cool shit in general. That’s a record that should be in every metal fan’s collection. I think it kind of flies under the radar, but the people who love it are rabid about it, and I love that. The way Wade Allison writes his riffs is like no other guitar player that I can name, and I think it’s insane to have had a band that had a style that was so distinctly their own. You cannot tell me that Iron Age sounds like any other band, or that any other band sounds like Iron Age – you hear people try, and it doesn’t work. That’s a one-in-a-million thing, and it’s an absolutely essential listen, especially if you’re like, “Oh, I like this Texas band Power Trip, who should I listen to that would even remotely strike a chord?” – that would be the band, for sure.

Power Trip’s new album Nightmare Logic is out on Southern Lord on 24 February

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Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation

The gen z ‘it girl’ singer on the painful push and pull of young love..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

Love now and for always.

Did you fall in love?

Just tell her I love her.

Love is stronger than anything.

[SIGHS]: For the love.

And I love you more than anything.

(SINGING) What is love?

Here’s to love.

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love,” and today I’m talking to singer songwriter Laufey.

(SINGING) Don’t you notice how

I get quiet when there’s no one else around

You might think from the warm, mature tone in her voice, the jazz and bossa nova influence, that Laufey’s from another generation, but she’s only 25 years old.

(SINGING) Look at me

I’m as hopeless as a kitten

She got her start in the most Gen Z way possible — on TikTok. During the pandemic, Laufey started posting videos of herself playing guitar, asking her followers what they wanted to hear from her.

Does anybody else feel like everyone around them is falling in love? I wrote a song about it.

Her viral videos led to her debut album, called “Everything I Know About Love,” then a second record called “Bewitched,” which she won a Grammy for this year. And now, she’s on a nationwide tour. So even though Laufey’s music sounds so nostalgic, it’s clearly of the moment. Laufey is speaking to her mostly young fans about experiences they’re likely going through right now — first love, first heartbreak, feeling like you’re someone’s second pick. And through her music, Laufey sang, I’m right here. I’m with you.

(SINGING) Everybody’s falling in love And I’m falling behind

Today, Laufey reads an essay called “An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill,” by Coco Mellors. And Laufey opens up about how anxiety manifests in her own relationships and how she turns that anxiety into art.

(SINGING) Stepped outside and burned my skin

My life won’t go my way

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Laufey, welcome to “Modern Love.”

Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

Laufey, throughout your career, you’ve cultivated these really direct relationships with your fans. You talk with them on TikTok. You respond to them on Instagram. And recently, you’ve been connecting with them in a much more literary way. You’re doing a book club. What are you reading right now?

Well, we are reading “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig. Last month, we read “Circe” by Madeline Miller. It’s a really fun way to connect with the fans kind of in a different way and have storytelling as a way to connect us all together.

What makes a good story for you? That’s a big question, I know.

Big question. I think there’s a level of suspense and release to a good story. There’s some sort of unexpected twist and a release. I mean, it sounds simple, but a happy ending, right, or some sort of ending that makes sense. [LAUGHS]

Does that kind of narrative apply to your songwriting as well?

Oh, absolutely. I talk about tension and release all the time, especially in chords, right? If you hear a chord that sounds almost wrong and you move one note, and then it just resolves, that’s what we talk about as tension and release in music, and I’m all about tension and release.

Yeah, I mean, these ideas of release, of suspense, they all feel very related to the “Modern Love” essay you chose to read today. It’s by Coco Mellors. Can you tell me what it’s about?

She’s talking about falling in love with this neighbor who doesn’t really care about her and, I guess, this overarching theme of being anxiously attached. And we kind of visit her past and what has built up to this anxious attachment style. And then we kind of follow her through as she finds a more secure love.

Yeah, this piece has a lot to do with attachment theory, which I feel like everyone kind of knows at this point. But just a refresher, it divides people into three categories based on how we relate to romantic partners. There’s anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and secure attachment. And the author of this essay is definitely anxious. She’s experiencing that tension that I’m sure so many people can relate to. It’s that stress that comes when you like someone so much more than they like you.

I was going to say, I think when somebody doesn’t give us quite enough, it forms this addiction, almost, because then when we get it, we have this satisfying sense of relief. And then, of course, they drop out again, but then you’re aching for that sense of, oh, he does like me, or, oh, he will sleep with me, or he’s going to love me. And so, I think that’s kind of what we’re always itching for, that sense of love, even though it’s not really love. It’s just breadcrumbing you, almost, if that makes sense.

It does make sense. This essay begins with the author, Coco Mellors, hanging on, basically, for dear life to a guy who just wants something — the dreaded word — “casual.” Do you want to go ahead and read the essay for us?

“An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill.”

“The year after I stopped drinking, I fell in love with my neighbor. I was 27, working as a copywriter, and living in a studio apartment on Gay Street in the West Village. He lived across the street in a larger apartment that had beautiful morning light and a mouse infestation.

One afternoon, he found me sitting on his stoop, smoking a cigarette, and sat down, looking like a young Paul Newman. We talked for a long time, during which I learned that he owned a local restaurant and had recently broken up with his girlfriend. Eventually, we headed up to his apartment, where we kissed until it felt like it was only us and the mice in his walls still awake in the whole city.

By the time he walked me back to my building, it was past midnight, and I had already decided that our wedding should be right there on Gay Street. I was calculating what kind of city permits that would require when he placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘I really like you,’ he said, ‘but the restaurant keeps me pretty busy, and I just want to be clear that I’m not looking for a relationship right now.’

I looked up at him under the yellow glow of the street lamps and did what so many hopeful single people have done before me. I told a lie, wishing it were true. ‘I’m not looking for anything serious either,’ I said. His face softened. ‘That’s great. So we can just keep it chill?’ I smiled. ‘I’m a very chill person. You’ll see.’

He would not see. What followed was a two-year tug of war. He could not commit, and I could not accept it. I tried every tool in my arsenal to get him to be my boyfriend. Nothing could change the fact that we didn’t want the same thing. Instead of freeing ourselves from this mismatch, one of us would eventually leave our light on, knowing the other would see it from the street below and send a text to come up.

I was repeating a familiar pattern. I grew up chasing my father’s love, a man who, like my neighbor, could be affectionate or absent depending on the day. Now, I was pursuing my neighbor with the same fervor. The more space he wanted, the closer I longed to be. I pretended to have no needs, then felt distraught when he didn’t meet them. I would get high off of his attention, then crash when he withdrew.

I would later learn this dynamic is called an anxious avoidant relationship. At the time, I only knew it hurt. And for the first time in my adult life, I didn’t have alcohol to numb me. So I went to an ashram upstate and prayed for the obsession to lift. I changed his name in my phone to Prosecco, so I would remember how emotionally hungover I felt after seeing him.

I went to a weekly meditation group led by a Buddhist teacher and, at the risk of sounding dramatic, changed my life forever. He taught me that anxious and avoidant people often connect quickly and powerfully, but the relationships are a challenge at best and doomed at worst. ‘You need to be with someone secure,’ he said. ‘You mean boring.’ He smiled. ‘Security isn’t boring. You’ll see.’

Eventually it was obsessing over my neighbor that grew boring. I stopped leaving my light on all night, got some proper sleep, found a therapist, and became open to the possibility of meeting someone else. That someone was Henry, a friend of a friend I met at a film screening. He had freckles all over his face and a big, unselfconscious smile.

He was obsessed with being outdoors, loved to cook, and was a moderate drinker.

By contrast, I considered a trip to Central Park hiking, got my meals — sushi, cupcakes, pre-cut fruit — at the Gourmet Deli, and wasn’t moderate at anything. I liked him instantly, but I didn’t fantasize about marrying him.

For one of our early dates, Henry made reservations at three restaurants and let me pick which one to go to. On another, we saw a documentary about the evils of salmon farming. In the following months, we met up once or twice a week to eat, go to the theater, or see an exhibition. There was no waiting up late for him, no ‘will he, won’t he show up.’

I was used to downing a person like a shot, but with Henry, I sipped. He surprised me with his juggling skills, and later, about his role as the peacekeeper between his older brother and younger sister. Later, he told me about his friend who was killed in a hit and run during the first year of university, the shock and the grief of it. Each new thing I learned felt precious.

Still, I was weary. Where was the high, the excitement? I thought falling for someone should be like having an orgasm and a heart attack at once. ‘Shouldn’t it be more difficult than this?’ I asked my therapist. ‘In real life, good things are allowed to be easy,’ she said. ‘Trust it.’

A few months into seeing each other, I gave Henry a book of illustrated animal facts, expecting him to appreciate it as a thoughtful, if not particularly noteworthy, gesture. ‘This is the best gift ever,’ he said. He went through the book page by page, wondrously repeating the best facts aloud. ‘Hummingbirds flap their wings up to 200 times a second.’

Henry didn’t need things to be dramatic to feel alive because he paid attention to the small details that make life feel miraculous. His capacity for delight, his seemingly boundless sense of wonder was one of the first things I loved about him. I just didn’t know it at the time.

My earlier experiences of falling in love had felt like being stuffed in a barrel and thrown off a waterfall, a blind tumble, both euphoric and terrifying. Falling in love with Henry felt like being carried along a smooth river to sea.

It wasn’t all smooth, of course. I was still me, after all, still anxious. For the first few months, every morning that Henry left my apartment to return to his place, I would scramble out of bed and insist on walking him the one block to the subway. His departure stirred some vague panic in me, triggering the childhood fear of abandonment, of love walking out the door.

Of course, I’d never admitted that to anyone I had dated, until, one day, when Henry turned to me outside the subway entrance, gave me a funny smile, and said, ‘Why do you always want to walk me? I sense it’s important to you, but I’m not sure why.’

My first instinct was to lie, wishing it were true. Instead, I took a deep breath. ‘Actually, I have this thing when we separate where I get —’ I fluttered a hand over my chest — ‘really anxious. I think I’m afraid you won’t come back.’

Henry gave me a long look, and my heart dropped. I waited for him to dive headfirst down the subway stairs away from me. ‘I see,’ he said, taking my hand. ‘Would it make you feel less anxious if we walked around the block together one more time?’

I could have laughed with relief. I could have pressed my palms into my eyes and cried like a child. But I kept myself together and nodded. We walked once more around the block, and then he got on the subway, and I went about my day.

A year later, we moved in together. Six months after that, we got married. Today, we live in a house in Los Angeles with a small garden regularly frequented by hummingbirds. ‘Up to 200 flaps a second,’ Henry likes to remind me. ‘Isn’t that remarkable?’ ‘It is.’”

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I needed to go to an ashram upstate to get rid of a crush — am I right?

[LAUGHS]: I’m like seeing a bit of myself in this — not that I’ve gone to an ashram, but now I kind of want to.

[LAUGHS]: When we come back, how Laufey’s first ever date and first ever ghosting became the creative spark that kicked off her career. Stay with us.

So, Laufey, you just read Coco Mellor’s “Modern Love” essay, and you said that you saw yourself in her story. Tell me what parts resonated with you.

I think this feeling of anxious attachment and avoidant also I think I’ve definitely felt versions of. Sometimes the further I get into secure relationships, I expect something to go wrong.

Are you saying that you identify as slightly anxiously attached?

I think so. I thought I wasn’t, but I think I am.

[LAUGHS]: I mean, how has that showed up in your dating life?

I’ve kind of blocked out boys and dating when I was younger. I don’t know why. I guess I was just like, I’ve got to focus on school and music. And I was just so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed.

But it wasn’t until I moved to the States and moved to — I went to university in Boston that I kind of allowed myself to open up and be a young woman and date for the first time. And I remember the first time I started going on dates with this guy, and my first thought was, oh, my god. Does everybody feel like this? Because I felt insane.

[LAUGHS]: Oh!

I felt insane. And this first guy was definitely like this push and pull. Like, he didn’t really care that much. But I remember I would receive a text from him. I was like, oh, my god. This is like a movie! And then he ended up ghosting me, and I was so —

— hurt. I was so sad. And every single feeling I was feeling, whether it was the excitement after a date or the anxiety about receiving a text or the hurt of being ghosted, the only thought I had throughout the whole thing was, does everybody feel like this? Because I feel insane.

[LAUGHS]: I know exactly what you mean. The first time I felt a real connection, I remember riding the train and looking at the other people on the train and thinking, have all of you felt this way, too? Because it feels like a medical event. Like, I’m not OK.

No, I genuinely felt — it feels like a medical event. I remember I’d look out at the people — this is so dramatic. I had a dorm room that looked over Boston. And I’d like look down at the people and be like, so everybody goes through this?

[LAUGHS]: Wait, I love that. You’re looking at all these people and you’re like, every single one of you has experienced this, too?

Every single one of you has experienced a version of this. And it’s true, and that’s why my first song I released was called “Street by Street.”

I wrote it as I looked out — it’s so cute. It’s like my first little baby song. But I looked out on the street and saw the people. And I was like, I’m gonna reclaim this city because this boy had ruined the city for me. And that was the first song I wrote.

I absolutely want to play this song, but first, I have to ask, like, does this mean that Boston is ruined for you forever? You can never return to that city again?

No, it’s OK. I’ve reclaimed it.

I’ve made my triumphant return. I love Boston.

OK, that’s a big relief for your Boston fans. Let’s play the song that let you reclaim an entire city. It’s called “Street by Street.”

(SINGING) Step by step

Brick by brick

I’m reclaiming what’s mine

This city is way too small to give away to just one guy

What is it about the potential of a relationship, a crush, a situationship, as some people call it, that’s so creatively inspiring to you?

The songs we listened to growing up are often about this deep heartbreak or falling deeply in love. My experience has been everything in between, the confusion in between, the, “oh, does he love me today, or he won’t love me tomorrow.”

So as I became a writer and started illustrating these feelings through song, I think I really zeroed in on these feelings that I felt like hadn’t been represented in songs as much because those are the lyrics, those are the songs that you hear, and you’re like, wow. She feels like that, and I feel like that. So maybe I’m not that crazy. It’s validating. Even reading what Coco wrote, reading that is very validating. Someone else feels that way.

Yeah, I mean, Coco’s piece reminds me of how I felt in my own relationships, the toxic ones, but also the healthy ones. I always feel some amount of anxiety. And I know that my friends do, too.

I think a lot of women do feel anxiously attached, right? And then, the fear that comes along with it is being crazy, right? It’s like when Coco is seeing Henry away at the subway station, and she tells him I’m scared you won’t come back. She knows that it’s irrational, but she’s still scared that he’s gonna think she’s crazy and then he’s not gonna come back.

Right, but it’s like she’s not being crazy. She points to her addiction, her relationship with her father, all these things that influence her anxious attachment style. And throughout the piece, she’s working really hard to get herself to a secure place and embrace her connection with Henry, the guy who loves hummingbirds. But in the back of her mind, she has this fear that a stable relationship will be boring. Have you ever had that same fear?

Yeah, I’m also deep on the TikTok that talks about safe love being boring.

So I see it all the time. I mean, in my experience with the safe love I’ve received, it isn’t boring. I see why people think that. I think a lot of women don’t recognize safe love because it’s boring in comparison to the push and pull of the guy that’s never going to give you enough. But — this is so cheesy, but safe love is joyous. It’s happy, you know?

I don’t think that’s cheesy. Do you think that’s cheesy? I think that’s real.

Safe love is stable. Let’s use that word instead. It’s stable. So, yeah, you don’t have as much of the tension, the tension and release. But it’s stable and it’s beautiful.

In your experience, is that type of love harder to write a song about? We spoke about the sort of creative inspiration of the more toxic type of love, but what about the secure type?

It is harder to write about. It is. Once you do write about it, it is the most beautiful product, but there are less questions. In my songwriting, it’s a lot of questions being answered, a lot of them about love as well. And when you have a secure type of love, you’re not thinking all the time, like, oh, my god, do you love me? Or why are you doing this? Why did this happen? Why are you looking at her that way? There are no questions. It’s secure. So I definitely think it’s harder.

Do you ever worry that a safe relationship wouldn’t give you enough material for your art?

[CHUCKLING]

No, although a lot of — oh, my god. I’ve seen so many TikToks and tweets where people are like, oh, Laufey can never get in a relationship or else we’ll —

— stop getting songs. We’ll stop getting albums. And I’m like, hey! Please. I’m like, don’t you wish me happiness?

[LAUGHS]: OK, we’re gonna prove all those fans wrong. Is there a song of yours that we can point to that’s about a secure relationship?

Well, the first love song I wrote, called “Best Friend.” I’d never been in love before, and I wanted to write a love song. And I thought about the most secure type of love I’ve ever had in my life. And that is the love I have for my twin sister, and then the love my mother and father have for each other. And I asked my mother, how do when you’ve found the one? And my mother was like, well, your father is my best friend. So I wrote a song called “Best Friend.”

Aw. I mean, this song, I love it because it’s really an ode to secure relationships of all different types. Let’s go out on that song, Laufey. This is “Best Friend.”

(SINGING) I have never tolerated someone for so long

I’ve never laughed so much

I haven’t written a sad song

There’s no one else I’d rather fall asleep with

And dream with

You’re my best friend in the world

Laufey, thank you so much for this conversation. It was such a blast to talk to you.

Thank you. I’ve had so much fun. I literally could talk about love and relationships. It is something — it really is the one thing that everybody goes through, and nobody really has the answer to. And I love trying to get to the bottom of it. And I know that I will never get to the bottom of it.

[SCATTING]:

Next week, I talk with model and writer Emily Ratajkowski. After her very public divorce, Emily’s now on a mission to shift negative assumptions people may have about her relationship status, starting with her wedding ring.

I basically took the diamonds that were in the original ring and made them into two different rings, which I kind of playfully called divorce rings. I really liked the idea of a woman not having to be ashamed of leaving a relationship, but even just like of having a past.

“Modern Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land, and Emily Lang. It’s edited by our executive producer Jen Poyant, Reva Goldberg, and Davis Land. The “Modern Love” theme music is by Dan Powell. Original music by Dan Powell, Pat McCusker, and Rowan Niemisto.

This episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our show is recorded by Maddy Masiello. Digital production by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. The “Modern Love” column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Modern Love” projects. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

• April 24, 2024   •   28:31 Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation
• April 17, 2024   •   35:54 Why John Magaro of ‘Past Lives’ Could Never Love a Picky Eater
• April 10, 2024   •   29:18 Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
• April 3, 2024   •   27:31 The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke
• March 27, 2024   •   32:38 How to Be Real With Your Kids
• March 20, 2024   •   32:14 Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’
• March 13, 2024   •   32:32 Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love
• March 6, 2024   •   33:21 Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things
• February 28, 2024   •   37:46 Three Powerful Lessons About Love
• February 23, 2024   •   33:45 Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories
• February 21, 2024   •   25:21 A Politics Reporter Walks Into a Singles Mixer
• February 14, 2024   •   28:39 Un-Marry Me!

Hosted by Anna Martin

Produced by Julia Botero ,  Christina Djossa ,  Reva Goldberg ,  Emily Lang and Davis Land

Edited by Jen Poyant

Engineered by Daniel Ramirez

Original music by Dan Powell and Pat McCusker

Listen and follow Modern Love Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music

‘the songs we listen to growing up are often about this deep heartbreak, or falling deeply in love. my experience has been everything in between, the confusion in between.’.

Laufey, the 25-year-old singer-songwriter, has risen to prominence by taking the trials of today’s dating world — casual relationships, no labels and seemingly endless swiping on apps — and turning them into timeless love songs.

Today, Laufey reads Coco Mellors’s essay, “ An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill ,” which is about a woman trying to work through her deep-seated relationship anxieties and attachment issues in an on-again, off-again situationship. Laufey says she, too, has been an anxious partner. While she thinks a toxic relationship, like the one in the essay, can make for a great love song, she now knows secure relationships can make beautiful music, too.

Links to transcripts of episodes generally appear on these pages within a week.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Reva Goldberg, Emily Lang and Christina Djossa. The show is edited by Davis Land and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello and Nick Pitman. It features original music by Pat McCusker and Dan Powell. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Lisa Tobin, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Nell Gallogly, Jeffrey Miranda, Isabella Anderson, Reyna Desai, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at [email protected] . Want more from Modern Love ? Read past stories . Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less .”

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Kid Cudi ‘s Coachella set was one of the most anticipated last-minute adds to the second weekend of the the 2024 festival. Sadly, the last couple songs Cudi was supposed to perform went without him after the singer attempted to jump off stage and broke his foot in the process.

Cudi addressed the incident on X late Sunday night and confirmed he had broken a bone: “Hey guys, so I broke my foot today at the show. just leavin the hospital. Never broken a bone before so this is all a bit crazy. I wanna thank u all for ur concerns and well wishes!! I love yall man. I heard yall still ragin when I was offstage. Made me smile big.”

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Earlier that night, Cudi’s show attracted one of the biggest crowds of the weekend at the Sahara tent where he performed two new songs live for the first time during his foreshortened set, “Moon Man Shit” and “Blue Sky.” He also performed his hits “Up Up & Away,” “Tequila Shots,” and more.

The musician last appeared at Coachella in 2019 when he brought Kanye West as a surprise guest to perform tracks off their collaborative “Kids See Ghosts” album. Cudi is set to embark on a 43-date world tour in support of his new album “Insano,” and will kick off the tour’s North American leg on July 28 in Austin, Texas.

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