horrible history boat tours london

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Horrible Histories proudly presents its wicked river tour of the Terrible Thames!

After three terrific years, we’re back and sailing again in 2024! So climb aboard and prepare to hear the horrible history of the most famous river in the world!

Tremble in terror at the Tower! Sizzle at the Savoy! Give Cleopatra the needle! Be washed away at Westminster! Lose yourself in Lambeth! Get gobsmacked by the Globe! Hold onto your head at London Bridge and escape from Execution Dock!

Take a dive with Horrible Histories into the stories of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper and Captain Kidd, in this history of the Thames with the nasty bits left in!

Ticket information

Ticket information and how to book.

STANDARD TICKETS

Adult – £25.00 Child (Ages 3 – 15)* – £15.00 Senior (65+) – £20.00

FAMILY TICKETS

2 adults, 2 children – £70.00 1 adult, 3 children – £60.00

To book family tickets , please enter the desired amount of tickets on our ticketing page and the discount will be applied at checkout.

*Under 3’s do not need a ticket but will need to be sat on the lap of a parent / guardian.

SCHOOL GROUPS 10+ Tickets – £12.50 per child and 1 teacher goes free for every 10 children.

We are running tours on selected weekdays this year specifically for school groups, please see the calendar for more information. If you are looking to bring a large group it may be possible to add in extra tour time / day , please email [email protected] to enquire.

To book a school group please email [email protected]

GROUPS 10+ Adult – £23.00 | Child – £13.00 Groups sized 10 – 30 can book online and the groups discount will automatically be applied to your tickets when you purchase them. You can also book directly with the team at [email protected]

ACCESS Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet are dedicated to improving the accessibility for all visitors to this new experience and ask that any assisted wheelchair access that is required is booked in advance.

Customers with Access requirements will be able to purchase a full price ticket for any cruise, subject to availability. One additional carer/companion ticket will be made available free of charge for those who are members of the KX Tickets Access Scheme or hold an Access Card, please visit https://www.kxtickets.com/access for more information

Please visit our FAQs where we have more information and for all access bookings please email [email protected]

For our full and detailed information document on accessibility for our tour please CLICK HERE

PRIVATE HIRES For Private Hires, please email [email protected]

Terrible Thames will run during the school holidays and on selected weekdays for school groups. The tours run between 9.45 and 15.45 but vary on different days, so please see our ticketing page for the full schedule.

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Plan Your Visit

Tower Bridge Quay

Previously st. katharine's pier - next to tower bridge.

Tower Bridge Quay is situated on the north bank of the Thames, on the east side of Tower Bridge , and immediately in front of the Tower Hotel. The pier is approx. 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground station. Our postcode is E1W 1LD.

DO NOT GO TO TOWER BRIDGE PIER!

what3words is an easy way to find and share exact locations, every 3 metre square has their own unique 3 word identifier. curiosity.pirate.rides is the unique 3 words for our location at Tower Bridge Quay.

Nearest station Tower Hill

Bus routes – 15, 100, what the people say.

All comments taken from the Terrible Thames Facebook page or customer emails

The BEST THING we did on our recent trip to London. Can't recommend HIGHLY enough!

Andrew Hawksworth

No better way to see and hear about London. EXTREMELY entertaining. Highly recommend.

A BRILLIANT ride along the Thames. One for the MUST DO list for London.

Hayley Clark

10/10, SUPERB, ENTERTAINING, FUNNY, GRUESOME and had some of the best facts of the river entwined in the story. The parents were as enthralled as the kids.

Absolutely BRILLIANT! The highlight of my children's trip to London.

Laura Madden

Terrible Thames has to be one of the greatest things we’ve done in #TeamHarris. What an AWESOME adventure!

Sean Harris

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. As soon as we had finished my kids wanted to do it AGAIN!

JOANNE GLENNERSTER

I can honestly say I have never been so impressed with any other family experience - it was perfect!

PHILIP ALSTON

Our FAVOURITE day trip of the year!

This was BRILLIANT. Ages 5 – 75 in our group and everyone LOVED it! We haven’t stopped talking about it.

REBECCA BISHOP

The best Thames trip we have done – FANTASTIC for adults and kids!

Magnificent to see just how thrillingly history can be brought alive! 10 out of 10!

NEIL EDWARDS

What the press say!

‘A rip-roaring, riotous sightseeing tour kids and adults will never forget!’

‘A fun, enjoyable, spirited alternative to more po-faced London tourism – may it sail on and on!’

'Smart, witty and enthralling, Terrible Thames is totally terrific family entertainment!'

LondonTheatre1

'It creates a joyous ride that has everybody floating with happiness!'

All That Dazzles

‘A wonderful and entertaining trip - immersive theatre at its best. It cannot fail to surprise and delight!’

GLOBAL MOUSE TRAVELS

‘It was clear that as everyone disembarked, they were exhilarated!’

LONDONTOPIA

‘A terribly good London adventure for families – it appeals to the kiddos on every level’

LONDON FOR KIDS

'It’s fantastic - a unique take on the standard sightseeing tour and a great way for the whole family to explore London together. I’d definitely say it’s one of the best things to do in London with kids.'

GLOBE TROTTING

‘We disembarked from the boat on a real high, going over everything we’d learnt’

‘My kids were thoroughly entertained and begged to go on the tour again!’

THEATRE BUBBLE

‘A unique take on London to thrill both children and adults alike!’

SOUTHEND THEATRE SCENE

'This is nothing like your usual boat tour - a great whistlestop tour filled with unusual facts and stories you won’t get anywhere else! We loved it!'

CARDIFF MUMMY

Horrible Histories – Terrible Thames Tour is a new venture from award-winning theatre producers Birmingham Stage Company and Woods’ Silver Fleet, a family-run company of Thames Watermen since 1866.

Together they are bringing together their extensive experience of performance and river sightseeing tours to create an experience like no other.

Producers – Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet

Writers – Terry Deary and Neal Foster

Director – Neal Foster

Design – Jackie Trousdale

Music – Matthew Scott

Sound – Nick Sagar

Choreography – Kenn Oldfield

Boat design, management and crewing – Woods’ Silver Fleet

Production Manager – Adrian Littlejohns

Marketing, Advertising and Social Media  – Natalie Yalden and Rona Kelly for Tandem Marketing Worldwide

Press Relations – Chuff Media

Sales and Ticketing Director – Tommy Luck Consulting

Concept Design – Feast Creative

Horrible Histories books are published by Scholastic Ltd. Horrible Histories is a trademark of Scholastic Inc. and is used under authorisation. All rights reserved. Illustration © Martin Brown.

Horrible Histories Feather pen

Terrible Thames tote bag

Terrible Thames T-shirt Azure Blue Age 5 - 6, Age 7 - 8 and Age 9 - 11

Terrible Thames cap - blue

Terrible Thames postergramme inc map of the Thames

Terrible Thames Pirate pen

I have a question and need to speak to customer service

Please email our customer service team on [email protected] or you can visit https://www.kxtickets.com/contact for more information.

If you purchased with another ticket provider please contact their customer service team to assist you.

Will I be dropped off where I boarded?

The tour is a round-trip and you will disembark at Tower Bridge Quay where you joined the trip.

How long is the boat trip?

The boat trip will last 45 minutes.

Are the boats heated/air conditioned?

Our boat has heating within the interior lower deck. It does not have air conditioning as the vessel is not a new build but we have plenty of windows for fresh air.

What if it is raining on the day of our trip?

Our top deck will always be open to customers to enjoy the amazing sights of London. However in the event of rain the performers will carry out the performance on the lower interior deck, which is fully enclosed with windows so you can also enjoy the sights of London on the Terrible Thames Tour.

Does the boat have an open deck area?

Our boat has two decks. The upper deck is fully open-air with wonderful views. The lower interior deck is fully enclosed with windows to enjoy the sights on the Terrible Thames Tour.

What if I miss my tour due to transport issues?

Travelling in London can often be impacted by engineering works, strikes and other incidents on public transport that are out of our control.

Please allow as much time as possible to get to your booked tour time so you are not disappointed.

Are there toilets on board?

Gender neutral toilet facilities are available on the lower deck of the vessel.

Is there a cloakroom on board?

We do not have cloakroom facilities for the Terrible Thames cruise. There is an allocated space to store items such as prams/pushchairs and scooters on the lower deck only. These items are not permitted on the upper deck.

Which pier does the Terrible Thames Tour sail from?

Our scheduled Terrible Thames cruise operates from Tower Bridge Quay (formerly St Katharine Pier) on the north bank of the Thames, east of Tower Bridge (in front of the Tower Hotel. Postcode – E1W 1LD. The pier is approximately 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground Station.

Is there shelter on the pier?

There is no covered shelter on Tower Bridge Quay so please ensure you have appropriate attire to deal with the sometimes unpredictable English weather!

Will I get to see Horrible Histories characters onboard?

The tour is conducted by two actors, but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, they do not change into historical characters when telling the stories.

Will the characters be in costume?

You will be meeting two characters on board the boat but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, the fast speed of the journey through constantly changing historical periods means the characters do not change into historical costumes

How long in advance should I arrive at the pier?

We have a limited embark and disembark period for each Terrible Thames cruise. You should arrive in good time in order to board the vessel promptly at the time on your ticket. If you are buying tickets on the day, please allow some extra time to purchase.

Is food and drink available to purchase?

We are working on exciting plans to introduce food and drink, so watch this space, but until then you are able to bring your own snacks and drinks onboard.

Where can I park nearby?

The closest car parks near Tower Bridge Quay are City Quay Car Park, E1W 1AE or London Thomas More Square, E1W 1YU. Online booking in advance is recommended. Just Park also has available spaces online in the immediate area of the pier which can be pre-booked online for your desired date.

Is there an age restriction?

All ages are welcome, but children under the age of 15 must be accompanied by an adult on board. Children aged 0-3 go free, if seated on the lap of a parent or guardian. However, please note the tour is best suited for children aged 5 and above.

How long are the queues to board on the day?

We cannot predict passenger numbers for each cruise and length of queues will vary according to how busy each cruise is. However, boarding is swift and our host will be on site to assist whilst you are waiting to board the boat.

Do you check bags?

For security purposes we may from time to time undertake random bag searches or checks. This is done for the security of our passengers, crew and performers.

Are bikes allowed on-board?

We don’t allow bikes on board, although kids’ scooters are permitted and can be stored on the lower deck.

How long is the cruise?

45 enthralling minutes!

I want to bring my dog on board with me - is this possible?

Assistance Dogs are allowed on all Terrible Thames cruises at the Captain’s discretion. We ask you to contact the reservations team to book your ticket in advance. Please see our accessibility statement for more information and inform [email protected]

I lost something on board? Who shall I contact?

If you think you have lost an item of property aboard the vessel, you should notify us via our social media channels. Please provide full descriptive details of your item, details of when and where it was lost, and full contact information so that we can get back in touch. Terrible Thames cannot accept responsibility for any items that may have been lost on board.

Terms and Conditions

Terms and conditions are subject to the provider you have booked your ticket with. If your ticket was purchased via our official website, terms and conditions can be found at https://www.kxtickets.com/terms-conditions

Can I buy my tickets online?

Yes, you can purchase all our ticket types on the Terrible Thames Website www.terriblethames.com

Do you accept all methods of payment?

You can pay online using VISA,  MASTERCARD or AMERICAN EXPRESS.

How do I book a family ticket?

When booking please select 2 adults and 2 children or 1 adult and 1 child and the family discount will be applied automatically at checkout.

What are the ages for your ticket types?

A child ticket is for those aged 3 – 15 years of age.

A senior ticket is for those aged 65 and over.

Please note under 3’s can travel free but must be seated on a parent or guardian’s lap.

What is your refund and exchange policy?

Refund protection can be offered, details of which are here https://www.kxtickets.com/ticket-refund-protection

Can I buy tickets on the day? Do I need to book tickets in advance?

We recommend tickets are bought in advance as ticket availability on the day is not guaranteed. However, it is not compulsory to book Terrible Thames Tour in advance. These can be purchased at our dedicated pier Tower Bridge Quay (Next to Tower Bridge) on the day of travel. We request all groups 10+ are booked in advance with the reservations department prior to travel.

Are there any fees on top of the ticket prices?

We do not charge booking fees but there is a £1.50 transaction fee

Can I pay cash on the day?

We are currently not accepting cash bookings on the day, but you can purchase tickets at Tower Bridge Quay on the day using a debit/credit card.

Are you able to accommodate large groups?

We are able to accommodate public groups up to 120 on our boat.

Groups sized 10 – 30 can book online and the groups discount will automatically be applied to your tickets when you purchase them.

You can also book directly with the team at [email protected]

Can I change the date and time of my booking?

Please ensure that all information is correct at the point of purchase as tickets may not always be able to be changed. For assistance, please email [email protected]

Do I have to print out my ticket?

Passengers have to bring their printed ticket to board the cruise or show their ticket on a mobile device.

How do I get the tickets I booked online?

You will receive a confirmation email with a printable e-ticket attached as a PDF. Additionally, please write down your booking reference number. If you don’t receive the email or have a query about your booking, please contact your point of purchase.

Is it possible to claim a refund?

Tickets are non-refundable after purchase. If you have an extreme circumstance beyond your control, please email our customer service team at [email protected] Please check your refund policy of the company you purchased from.

Are your services wheelchair accessible?

As the Terrible Thames boat is not a new build we cannot offer step free access at present. A wheelchair lift and accessible bathroom facilities are in discussion to be installed. Please view our detailed accessibility information document HERE

What is your policy on assistance dogs?

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MUMMYTRAVELS

Can you really keep travelling with a child in tow?

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Terrible Thames review: the Horrible Histories boat tour

What do you get when you cross the creators of Horrible Histories with 2,000 years of drama along London’s riverbanks? The Terrible Thames boat tour, of course.

review post/contains affiliate links *

Launched in 2021, it quickly became an instant hit with families – we were invited along for a sneak preview for this Terrible Thames review, discovering tales of revolution, beheadings, pirates and the stomach-turning reason why Queen Victoria’s pleasure cruise lasted only minutes…

Joining ‘schoolboy’ Billy (whose family have been connected to pretty much every major event on the Thames) and his teacher, as we sailed from Tower Bridge to Westminster and back to Execution Dock, the pair made for a very funny double act as they whisked us through history.

The Terrible Thames tour itself only takes 45 minutes but it felt like they packed in twice that amount, including songs, just the right amount of audience participation, plus a great balance of fun and facts.

And all with the usual Horrible Histories recipe of gruesomely ridiculous, gory sound effects, plus plenty of toilet humour.

For more great London boat tours with kids , check out my pick of the best

Written by Terry Deary, creator of the Horrible Histories series, and the TV show’s director, Neal Foster, there were facts I hadn’t come across before (did you know there was a time capsule in the base of Cleopatra’s Needle?!).

While it’s pitched well for the young audience, the tour didn’t shy away from the difficult topics either, including slavery.

If your kids like the show, you’ll already have a good idea of what’s in store when it comes to the content though and it always stays on the right side of entertainingly educational rather than distressing.

My own eight-year-old was more upset about the stories of whaling than the swishing axe noises accompanying tales of beheading, for example.

While she often gets bored on boat trips along the river (unlike me!), this was one option which held her interest for the whole 45 minutes too.

From an adult point of view, you don’t go very far, as you travel round in a loop, but you see all the main central London sights in that round trip – including the Houses of Parliament, Tower Bridge, London Eye, HMS Belfast, the Shard and Tate Modern – before any boredom sets in.

Along the way, there’s plenty of chance to join in the fun too, including singing a few sea shanties and taking part in some choreographed clapping.

If your kids would rather swim in the Thames than get involved, there’s no problem being a silent member of the audience, especially if you’re not too close to the front, or stay by the sides rather than along the aisle.

Having a teacher and child performing is also a great way to engage the young audience, especially when it turns out that young Billy (or Billie, depending which pair of actors you get), knows a lot of the darker history of the Thames versus the teacher’s sanitised stories straight out of textbooks.

At times it does feel like there’s a barrage of facts, figures and trivia to follow – another reason it’s better for slightly older ones – but realistically, even if your kids only take in half of what they hear, it’s still a lot more than the average boat tour (or history lesson!)

And as it’s crammed with the kind of memorable stories kids love – that story about Queen Victoria’s pleasure cruise? Just think what the river would have been like before the city’s famous sewers were built! – it’s easily one of my favourite things to do in London with kids.

For more ideas of the best things to do in London with kids , check out my pick of the best

Terrible Thames review: need to know

Tickets cost from £25 for adults and from £15 for kids aged three to 15 (under-threes go free, although it’s aimed at age 5+). There are also family tickets available and you can buy gift vouchers.

The tour usually runs between early April and late October, daily during July and August, and most school holidays, otherwise at weekends only. In 2024, it’s starting on March 23 for the new season (as Easter and the Easter holidays are earlier this year)

There are several Terrible Thames tours every day, up to around nine during peak season.

There is indoor seating if the weather is bad but otherwise you’ll be in the open air on the top deck (we were far too entertained to notice the minor drizzle).

There are toilets on board, and a place to store buggies and scooters on the lower deck (these aren’t allowed on the upper deck)

The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay near St Katherine’s Dock – it’s a short walk from the Tower of London itself (and a different pier from the other sightseeing boats along the Thames which dock at Tower Bridge pier). If you use the whatthreewords app, you’ll find the location at curiosity.pirate.rides .

For more tips on visiting London with kids, check out the Facebook group London With Kids which I help to run

Disclosure: We were given free tickets in exchange for this Terrible Thames review but all opinions are my own (and my small Horrible Histories fan). This post contains affiliate links – any purchases you make are unaffected but I may receive a small commission

Images copyright MummyTravels

Award-winning family travel blogger and mum to the mini traveller, aka Minnie. Together we've visited Europe, America, the Caribbean, Africa and Asia, tried a cruise and a road trip, and survived countless long-haul trips. London (UK) based. Serious beach habit.

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Horrible Histories – Terrible Thames Tour

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HORRIBLE HISTORIES – TERRIBLE THAMES TOUR (London) - All You Need to Know BEFORE You Go

The Thrilling Horrible Histories Boat Tour Of The ‘Terrible Thames’ Is Returning To London

The immersive tour will take seafarers on a riotous voyage along the Thames, filled with heaps of history with the gory bits left in.

Calling all seasoned sailors or landlubbers alike, the Horrible Histories boat tour of the ‘Terrible Thames’ is back for its fourth year for a thrilling voyage through time on the murky waters of our greatest river.

The Horrible Histories team are putting on a Thames boat tour like no other. Bringing together the history of the Thames, with the gory bits left in in true Horrible Histories fashion , and incorporating immersive theatre as you and your shipmates travel along the river.

Passengers will be departing from Tower Bridge Quay for a riveting 45-minute round-trip cruise packed with the history of the Tower of London , Cleopatra’s Needle, and Execution Dock . There’ll also be fables of historical characters from the likes of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca and Jack the Ripper .

There’ll be two actors onboard conducting the immersive tour but unlike the Horrible Histories stage shows, the characters won’t be changing into historical costumes because of the fast-paced journey and the changing through different historical periods.

Since its debut in 2021, the seafaring experience has welcomed over a quarter of a million explorers aboard one of the most uniquely spirited ways to explore the history of the River Thames.

Much like Horrible Histories’ history book series and hit TV show, the boat tour will be riotous fun for both kids and adults. The tour will have the brand’s trademark fact-filled outlandish comedic flare that’ll make for a hoot of a seafaring experience.

The Horrible Histories Terrible Thames boat tour returns on March 23 , so grab your first mate, hoist the anchor and head out to the water mateys.

For more information and to book your tickets, head here .

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Horrible Histories: Terrible Thames

• Theatre, Children's

Time Out says

It’s a Horrible Histories river cruise!

The stage versions of Terry’s Deary’s enormously successful ‘Horrible Histories’ franchise – that’s history for kids with a heavy emphasis on the naughty bits – are now so successful in and of themselves that they’re starting to wrack up a ‘Fast & Furious’-volume of sequels – summer 2021 will see the West End debut of the lengthily-titled ‘Horrible Histories – Barmy Britain: Part Five’.

Not content with that, they’re now taking to the high seas (well, river) with ‘Terrible Thames’. It’s an enjoyable hour-long clipper tour that forgoes humdrum observations on London’s great waterway and instead focussed on the darker stuff.

To do so, there’s a dramatic device. Billie, a schoolchild, has earned a special trip on the Thames with her teacher, and the two of them spend the trip engaged in a duelling dialogue of facts, putting the awkwardly blokey teacher’s more conventional wisdom against Billie’s knowledge of the darker stories or the Thames, as handed down to her by her family.

It’s not exactly ‘Long Day’s Journey Into Night’, and if I were being particularly annoying I might point out that they become fairly interchangeable after a while, with each of them being well-informed or pig-ignorant on whatever we happen to be sailing past on a strictly alternating basis.

Nonetheless: it’s fun! Written by Deary and the show’s director, Neal Foster, the facts are understandably quick-fire, given you can’t, for instance, explain the background to the 1014 Viking incursion into London that (possibly) resulted in London Bridge being torn down in the time it takes to sail under London Bridge (about ten seconds). Instead a zippy, agreeable barrage of statistics and facts tumble out entertainingly, giving a sense of the vast weight of history of London in a way that’s intriguing rather than crushing. 

London-dwelling adults with a reasonable grasp of the history of the county and capital will probably find it more diverting than revelatory. But I think it would be great for grown-up tourists with a good grasp of English but only a few basic facts about our history. 

Of course, the real target is kids. Mine are maybe both a little younger (six and three) than the quintessential Horrible Histories fan: the little one didn’t really know what was going on, and the big one was somewhat aghast at the sheer volume of executions the tour describes. But they both enjoyed themselves, and loved the fart jokes and the singing, especially the rousing ‘What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?’ that wraps up proceedings.

‘Horrible Histories’ may be increasingly ubiquitous. But its inaugural boat trip still feels like a spirited alternative to more po-faced London tourism - may it sail on and on.

Sailing times vary slightly, but usually six per day between 11.45am and 16.45pm.

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Terrible Thames

Troubadour wembley park, buying as a gift lovetovisit gift card available here, book terrible thames tickets and watch the horrible histories live in london.

All aboard the wicked river tour of the London's landmark River Thames!

After two terrific years in London, the Horrible Histories gang are proudly setting sail for another year on the Terrible Thames!

Hear the Horrible History of the River Thames ON the River Thames!

Grab your family and friends and climb aboard the creepiest cruise in London:

• Tremble in terror at the Tower of London!
• Sizzle at the Savoy!
• Be washed away at Westminster!
• Lose yourself in Lambeth!
• Get gobsmacked by the Globe!
• Hold onto your head at London Bridge!
• Escape from the Execution Dock!

One of the best things to do for families in London

As well as seeing the shocking sights and repulsive residences, you'll grab your little ones by the hands and take a dive into:

• The horrendous history of King Henry
• The abhorrent attitude of Anne Boleyn
• The coarse character of Captain Kidd
• The quintessential quirks of Queen Boudicca 
• The revolting reasons behind Jack the Ripper

With characters in costume, nauseating narrators and conniving conspiracies live on London's river boat, you'll learn the ins-and-outs of London's most awful anecdotes and sickening stories - with all of the nasty bits left in!

Book tickets now to secure your spot on the most vicious voyage in the capital city! Guaranteed to be a great day out for families! 

How to find us

Address:  Tower Bridge Quay, 10 Saint Katharine's Way, Whitechapel, E1W 1LE

What3Words:  myself.object.called

• Tower Hill Station
• London Bridge Station

Tower Bridge Quay is situated on the north bank of the Thames, on the east side of Tower Bridge, and immediately in front of the Tower Hotel.

The pier is approx. 10 minutes walk from Tower Hill Underground station.

Please note: Do not go to Tower Bridge Pier. 

• Storage space for prams/wheelchairs
• Bring your own snacks and drinks

Where does the Terrible Thames cruise operate from?

The Terrible Thames Tour in London sets sail from the Tower Bridge Quay on the north bank of the Thames, east of Tower Bridge. 

Postcode: E1W 1LD.

What happens if it rains on the day of our Terrible Thames experience in London?

If it rains on the day of your visit, have no fear!

The top deck will remain open for those brave enough to see the soggy sights of London.

However, the performers will move to the lower interior deck and resume their performance. The lower deck is fully enclosed with windows so you'll still be able to enjoy the sights, sounds and warmth of your cruise in London.

Is there an age requirement for the Terrible Thames tour in London?

All ages are welcome to join the tour, but children under the age of 15 must be accompanied by an adult (18+)

Children aged 0-3 may come aboard for free, but must be seated on the lap of a parent of guardian for safety. 

Please note:  The tour is best suited for children aged five and above. 

Are the Terrible Thames tours in London wheelchair accessible?

Unfortunately, at this current time, the Terrible Thames boat is not a new build so is unable to offer step-free access aboard the vessel. 

However, there are plans to improve the boat by adding a wheelchair lift and accessible bathroom facilities - watch this space!

Are the Terrible Thames tours dog-friendly?

Unfortunately, your pampered pooches will have to stay at home for this one!

However, if your furry friend is an Assistance Dog and is required, then they may be allowed aboard at the Captain's discretion.

Please respect other guests and the vessel!

What is the duration of the Terrible Thames tour in London?

The Terrible Thames river cruise in London runs for 45 minutes. 

Due to daily schedules, the tour is unable to seat late arrivals.

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Down alleyways of old, beside buildings built on stories of the past – discover a side of London that’s been kept a secret all this time

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London’s Horrible Histories Boat Tour is sensible

What’s one of the best ways to see London’s most important sights Be taught in regards to the horrible historical past of London’s most well-known river And Wish to ensure that the children do not complain? Make a journey aboard the Horrible Histories Boat Tour and uncover the Horrible Thames .

The very best-selling guide sequence ‘Horrible histories’ by Terry Deary have already been delivered to life with a TV sequence and on stage by Neal Foster and now they’re heading to the excessive seas – or moderately the River Thames.

The vastly standard Horrible Histories sequence – which shares historic information and highlights all of the nasty stuff – is a enjoyable and fascinating manner for kids (and their dad and mom!) to study.

Horrible Thames was launched two years in the past and is a nice success recurring in the course of the hotter interval college holidays for a sensational sightseeing tour alongside the River Thames. That is what you’ll be able to anticipate.

Disclosure: This publish might include affiliate hyperlinks. I’ve been or may very well be compensated in case you click on on a hyperlink on this publish by way of a money cost, reward, or one thing else of worth for penning this publish. See our full disclosure coverage for extra particulars.

The Horrible Histories boat tour

Like most Horrible Historical past tales, the thought behind the Horrible Thames is to convey the previous to life and switch boring dates and boring information into tales that kids would possibly bear in mind.

This implies we have to use laugh-out-loud, compelling theater to… darkish and bloody historical past of the Thames to life.

Your information on your Horrible Histories boat tour is Billie , a schoolchild who has received a particular journey alongside the River Thames along with her trainer. Each actors are from the Birmingham Stage Firm . Collectively they change treats, supply bits of knowledge and attempt to outdo one another grotesque tales . Billie specifically attracts on her household’s lengthy London heritage to share enjoyable information, curious tales and naturally fart jokes.

The the dialogue is quick and livid and also you usually solely have seconds to course of a bit of historical past earlier than the couple strikes on to the subsequent intriguing truth. The dialogue is quick and livid and also you usually solely have seconds to course of a little bit of historical past earlier than the pair transfer on to the subsequent intriguing truth.

Really, my solely criticism could be that the tempo is a little bit too quick at occasions – it’s troublesome to take all the knowledge and the superb sights of London.

Anyway, the efficiency is humorous . Very humorous. The script manages to attain that magical stability of entertaining kids And make dad and mom snigger too. After we traveled on board, a few of them had been very unhealthy well-timed jokes about Boris Johnson and partying at No. 10 Downing Avenue that went down very properly with the older members of the viewers.

Everybody aboard!

What’s going to you study on board the Horrible Histories boat tour?

Effectively, for starters, you will study that the River Thames has probably the most fascinating historical past. In the course of the cruise, Billie and her trainer inform unimaginable tales about King Henry VIII Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper the Duke of Wellington and Captain Kidd.

There are tales about it betrayal and pirates revolutions and beheadings, and even some sea ​​shanties towards the top of the cruise, when the boat is inspired to sing alongside to “What Shall We Do with a Drunken Sailor?”

The tour additionally shares information that even born and bred Londoners might not know, such because the time capsule buried underneath Cleopatra’s needle! It was planted by Victorians in 1878 and is seemingly full of (amongst different issues) portraits of ‘stunning women’ and a portray of Queen Victoria.

The Horrible Histories boat tour lasts a loop alongside the river taking the most important sights in central London alongside the best way together with the Homes of Parliament (the Palace of Westminster), London eye Tower Bridge, London Bridge, HMS Belfast, the Shard and the Tate Fashionable.

It is a implausible journey, a singular tackle the usual sightseeing tour, the prospect to see one thing stunning view of London and an effective way for the entire household to discover town collectively. It is simply among the best issues to do in london with children .

The Horrible Thames Boat Tour – every thing you must know

There are a number of each day departures in the course of the college holidays with departures in the course of the Easter holidays And Might half time period . The sailings in the course of the summer season holidays begin on July 13. Make sure you guide your boat journey upfront. The journey takes 45 minutes.

The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay close to St Katherine’s Dock on the north financial institution of the Thames, not removed from the The tower of London . The closest tube cease is Tower Hill tube station.

The Horrible Thames tour takes place aboard the open-air Thames Clippers. Should you’re fortunate sufficient to time your journey for one sunny day The efficiency will then happen on the above deck . If it rains, the efficiency will happen on the decrease internal deck. Though the highest deck is certainly the perfect to see London’s most iconic sights You’ll be able to nonetheless get an excellent view from the decrease deck.

The place: The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay close to St Katherine’s Dock. It’s not removed from the Tower of London.

Costs for Horrible Histories boat journey:

Grownup/little one £25/15

Household ticket (2 adults, 2 kids) £70

Household ticket (1 grownup, 3 kids) £60

The Horrible Thames web site

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Horrible Histories’ Wicked Boat Tour

April 18, 2022 by Lucy Foxell Leave a Comment

Last Updated on April 18, 2022

All aboard the Terrible Thames – the Horrible Histories have taken to River Thames! 

The Horrible Histories Boat Tour – what a fabulous entertaining adventure for kids and adults alike. I’m already a firm fan of the hugely successful ‘Horrible Histories’ series. Author Terry Deary has now written over 100 Horrible History titles which are now recognised as being one of the world’s bestselling non-fiction books for children. These classic historical tales have also been turned into a CBBC television series and a movie.  And, the Birmingham Stage Company has produced several fabulously grisly Barmy Britain stage shows which have been seen around the world, which I, along with three young members of my family, have been lucky enough to see in London’s West End.

Now they have created the TERRIBLE THAMES, a fantastic tourist experience, which last summer entertained over 60,000 passengers, and due to its success the tour has been shortlisted for a London Tourism Award for New Tourism Business of the Year. It was with great excitement I took the three boys aged 11, 8 and 5 to set sail on an oar-inspiring Horrible Histories ‘Terrible Thames’ trip to learn about the country’s most famous river and the incredible history of London.

This theatrical boat tour is also written by Deary and Neal Foster who directed the theatre shows. Arriving in this wonderful part of the city is an adventure in itself, there was great interest as we walked past the Tower of London and along the river path before boarding the boat at Tower Bridge Quay, and taking our seats on the top deck of this Thames Riverboat. The youngest, Teddy, had never been on a boat before so he was thrilled and it just so happened to be a lovely spring day which was a bonus!

As you can imagine this was no ordinary boat trip, but one that takes you on an hour-long immersive theatre adventure where you can find out lots of interesting and unusual historic facts with a strong emphasis on the naughty bits. The premise is that schoolboy Billy has earned a trip on the Thames with his school teacher, as they sail the two of them divulge a series of quick-fire, fascinating facts and gruesome stories about the landmarks along the Thames.

The two actors did a remarkable job at keeping everyone entertained as we sailed past a series of London monuments and places of interest, with ghastly tales of Anne Boleyn’s beheading at the Tower of London and details about the Fire of London, the Clink prison, the wobbly Millennium Bridge, the frozen Thames and the Gunpowder Plot – that failed attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament in 1605. All this was punctuated by yet more spine chilling tales and shocking facts.

When we sailed past London Bridge, we all sang ‘London Bridge is Falling Down’. We passed the Golden Hinde, which was captained by Sir Francis Drake and the famous Globe Theatre which has long been associated with William Shakespeare. We saw HMS Belfast, the Shard, the glistening Savoy Hotel, Big Ben, City Hall and much more. The boys laughed furiously at fart jokes and although some things went over Teddy’s head, all three of them thoroughly enjoyed this spirited experience.  And when the actors donned their pirate hats on the final leg of the tour we all sang a rousing rendition of ‘What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?

The Terrible Thames  ‘Horrible Histories’ tour is a great way to see the sights, a perfect fun-filled day out in London for all the family and a brilliant way to give the kids a sense of the vast weight of London’s history.

Sailing times vary slightly, but there are usually six per day between 11.45 am and 16.45 pm.  

Embark at Tower Bridge Quay, E1W 1LD (not Tower Bridge Pier!)

ADVANCE TICKETS Adult – £22.00 (off-peak) £25.00 (peak) Senior – £20.00 (off-peak) £23.00 (peak) Child – £14.00 (off-peak) £15.00 (peak) Under 3’s – FREE. FAMILY TICKET – £65.00 (off-peak) £72.00 (peak) – (2x Adult 2x Child/1 Adult 3 x Child)

Ticket link: https://terriblethames.seetickets.com/

For Group bookings Please Phone: 0844 412 4650

TERRIBLE THAMES is hosted aboard Silver Sockeye, one of Woods Silver Fleet’s premier luxury sightseeing cruisers.   Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet are dedicated to improving the accessibility for all visitors to this experience and ask that any assisted wheelchair access that is required is booked in advance.

Please email [email protected] for more information.

About Lucy Foxell

Lucy comes from a background in the Theatre. She loves to soak up the wealth of live theatre and cultural activities London offers. She's passionate about photography and an enthusiastic foodie and fervent traveller, keen to explore as much of the world as possible.

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LONDON FOR KIDZ

Terrible Thames Tour review: A terribly good London adventure for families

All aboard for a fourth season of London's terribly good adventure for families! Yep, from the brains behind Horrible Histories comes this fun-packed branch of horribleness, its Horrible Histories Live on Board: Terrible Thames Tour ! We recently walked the plank to catch all the adventure, so here's our review and all the deets you need to make a splash on your next trip into London with kids .

Set sail on the Terrible Thames Tour

If you have a kid between the age of around 4-12 years then there's no getting away from their love of all things a bit gross, including Terry Deary's wildly successful Horrible Histories . So, now we've read the books, and watched the TV shows, it's time to set sail on a new kind of horrible adventure: The Terrible Thames Tour!

This hour (ish) long clipper boat tour kicks off near the Tower of London and heads down to Westminster and back while skipping the pleasantries of the usual Thames kinda tours, and instead focuses on the rather grotty, darker side of the waterway, as told via 'Billie' and her teacher, an acting duo who had us chuckling for the entire trip. The action-packed script is Written by Deary and the show’s director, Neal Foster, and it's quick, it's witty and, most importantly, filled with stench jokes, fart references and gruesome deaths which, of course, utterly appeals to the kiddos on every level. Tourists and locals alike will love the humour, the tales, the songs and, most of all, the fact that your kids will be entertained for an hour without them even realising that they're actually learning quite a lot of history along the merry way. Win, win.

What did our kids think?

Rafferty, age 12, had this to say:

"I would give the Terrible Thames Tour 10/10 because it wasn't boring like some tours and also I really liked the drink they gave me. Also it is pretty disgusting that people used to dump their pee and poo in the river! I don't think I would have liked to have gone on a boat on the Thames in those days. I also felt very sorry for the people hiding on boats from the plague and then they got the plague anyway because they forgot about the rats and the fleas on their boats. I think I am very lucky I am alive now and not then."

And Angelica, age 16:

"It was interesting and the acting was good and the actors made me laugh. I didn't know that women were tried as witches on the Thames and that was pretty awful that they died whether they were found guilty or not guilty. I was also surprised at how many people have died in the Thames: it must be very haunted!"

All the deets

When and where: Daily sailings from Tower Bridge Quay, London. Please book in advance.

Cost: Adults £25.00 (15+). Child £15.00 (4-14). Infants Free (0-3). Family & Group tickets also available.

Website: www.terriblethames.com

Anchors away and you're all set to sail: have a horribly good time, shipmates!

* Top image courtesy of Terrible Thames.

* London for Kidz were gifted tickets for this experience for the purposes of this review.

Other fun stuff to do in London

London for Kidz guide to London museums

London for Kidz guide to London theatre for kids

London for Kidz guide to the Tower of London

London for Kidz guide to farms in London

London for Kidz guide to country parks in London

London for Kidz guide to The Clink Prison Museum

Don't forget to also follow us for more adventures over on Instagram and Facebook and to sign up for free on the website to keep up to date on our new reads.

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Horrible Histories: Terrible Thames review – behold the poop deck!

Tower Bridge Quay, London A teacher and his unruly student host a family tour of the capital’s river with scatological gags and gory stories aplenty

T hey’ve conquered cinema, telly and stages up and down the land. Now the Horrible Histories crew have commandeered a vessel for a lively show that’s part theatre, part sightseeing tour and fired by the same formula of shock and gore as the books.

Three years ago, we saw the bloodthirsty Terrible Tudors staged in the grassy moat at the Tower of London. This 45-minute river trip departs close by. Our hosts? Not a talking rat but a teacher and his unruly student (today played respectively by Roger Parkins and Harriet Munday, from a rotating cast). The pair are on a school trip, with the audience – including me and eight-year-old Hilda – becoming fellow students.

At least, we think that’s the idea. It’s all a bit of a blur at the start. In blazing sunshine, we take our seats on the deck and are soon cruising past London landmarks. In lieu of a plot, there’s a barrage of surprising facts and figures inspired by the buildings we pass. “It’s not just old history,” points out Hilda. We hear about the capital’s brand new 15-mile sewer, while a partygate gag by Westminster lets us reflect on the current stench in parliament.

But mostly it’s the kind of lineup you’d expect: Guy Fawkes, Mary Tudor, Boudicca and Julius Caesar are all given thumbnail sketches, their stories told at such a clip that you’re left missing or wanting more details. How come the Kray twins were at the Tower? Why can’t we hear more about the women who built Waterloo Bridge ? Who exactly was “my fair lady” in London Bridge’s nursery rhyme?

But no detail is spared, in Terry Deary and Neal Foster’s script, of exactly what it meant to be hanged, drawn and quartered. If you weren’t feeling seasick you might well turn green after the cascade of grisly stories, vomit gags and toilet-humour tunes. “They’re obsessed with poo,” whispers Hilda. In one scatological rhyming ditty we’re told exactly why the Thames smells so … er, stinky.

It’s all vigorously done, with Munday rampaging up and down the deck, occasionally joined in insurrection by the teacher. Hilda already knows one of their jokes but is ready to remember what’s brown and sounds like a bell (“dung!”).

There’s a smattering of audience involvement – “it’s a bit like a panto” – but at times it’s a bit much for her, especially London’s past as a whaling port (“poor whales!”) and the lose-lose scenarios for suspected witches put to the swimming test. Amid so much jollity it’s particularly queasy to hear light-hearted quips about more recent history such as the 1982 hanging of Roberto Calvi, dubbed “God’s banker”, as we pass beneath Blackfriars bridge. But the register dramatically changes for some powerful dialogue about London’s role in the slave trade and an account of the remarkable life of Ignatius Sancho.

In Birmingham Stage Company and Woods Silver Fleet ’s production, with the background noise of party boats and even the river police’s siren, rare moments of joy and stillness stand out. And on this baking summer day, the description of football games once played on the frozen Thames is somehow terribly affecting.

Horrible Histories: Terrible Thames is booking until 1 January.

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• Horrible Histories

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London’s Horrible Histories Boat Tour is brilliant

What’s the best way to see London’s main sights , learn about the horrible history of the most famous river in London and ensure the kids don’t complain? Take a trip on board the Horrible Histories boat tour , and discover the Terrible Thames .

The best selling book series ‘Horrible Histories’ by Terry Deary have already been brought to life with a TV series and on stage by Neal Foster and now they’re hitting the high seas – or rather the Thames river.

The hugely popular Horrible Histories series – that shares historical facts while highlighting all the nasty bits – is a fun and engaging way for children (and their parents!) to learn.

Terrible Thames launched two years ago and has been a huge success , returning during the warmer school holidays for a sensational sightseeing tour of the River Thames. Here’s what to expect. 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. I have been or could be if you click on a link in this post compensated via a cash payment, gift or something else of value for writing this post. See our full disclosure policy  for more details.

The Horrible Histories boat tour

Table of Contents

Like most Horrible History stories the idea behind the Terrible Thames is to bring the past alive and transform dull dates and boring facts into stories that kids might actually remember.

This means using laugh-out-loud immersive theatre to bring the dark and gory history of the Thames to life.

Your guide for your Horrible Histories boat tour is Billie , a schoolchild who has won a special trip along the River Thames with her teacher. Both actors are from the Birmingham Stage Company . Together the duo trade titbits, offer nuggets of information and try and outdo one another with gruesome stories . Billie, in particular, draws on her family’s long London lineage to share fun facts, curious tales and, of course, fart jokes.

The dialogue is fast and furious and you often have only seconds to digest one snippet of history before the pair move onto the next intriguing fact. The dialogue is fast and furious and you often have only seconds to digest one snippet of history before the pair move onto the next intriguing fact.

In fact, my only criticism would be that the pace is a little too fast at times  – it’s hard to take in  all  the information as well as the amazing sights of London.

Nevertheless, the performance is funny . Very funny. The script manages to achieve that magical balance of entertaining kids and making parents chuckle too. When we travelled on board there were some very well-timed quips about Boris Johnson and parties at No. 10 Downing Street that went down very well with the older members of the audience.

All aboard! 

So, what do you learn on board the Horrible Histories boat tour?

Well, for starters, you learn that the River Thames has the most fascinating history. During the cruise Billie and her teacher cover incredible stories of King Henry VIII , Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper , the Duke of Wellington and Captain Kidd.

There are tales of treason and pirates , revolutions and beheadings, and even some sea shanties towards the end of the cruise when the while boat is encouraged to join in singing ‘What Shall We Do with a Drunken Sailor?’

The tour also shares facts that even born and bred Londoners might not know such as the time capsule buried beneath Cleopatra’s Needle! It was planted by Victorians in 1878 and is apparently filled with (among other things) portraits of ‘pretty ladies’ as well as a painting of Queen Victoria.

The Horrible Histories boat tour takes a loop along the river taking in the main central London sights along the way including the Houses of Parliament (the Palace of Westminster), London Eye , Tower Bridge, London Bridge, HMS Belfast, the Shard and the Tate Modern.

It’s a fantastic journey, a unique take on the standard sightseeing tour, the chance to see some glorious views of London , and a great way for the whole family to explore the city together.  It’s easily one of the best things to do in London with kids .

The Terrible Thames Boat Tour – all you need to know

There are multiple daily sailings during the school holidays with sailing during the Easter holidays and May half term . Sailings during the summer holidays start on 13 July. Do book your boat trip in advance.  The trip lasts 45 minutes.

The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay near St Katherine’s Dock on the north bank of the Thames, not far from the Tower of London . The nearest tube stop is Tower Hill underground station.

The Terrible Thames tour takes place on board open air Thames Clippers. If you’re lucky enough to time your trip for a sunny day then the performance takes place on the upper deck .  In the event of rain, the performance will take place on the lower interior deck. Although the top deck is definitely the best for seeing London’s most iconic landmarks , you can still get good views from the lower deck. 

Where: The tour departs from Tower Bridge Quay near St Katherine’s Dock. It’s not far from the Tower of London.

Horrible Histories boat tour prices: 

Adult / Child £25/15

Family Ticket (2 adults, 2 children) £70

Family Ticket (1 adult, 3 children) £60

The Terrible Thames website

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Horrible Histories - Terrible Thames

Sail onboard horrible histories - terrible thames for a history of the thames like no other, with a q+a with co-writer/director neal foster afterwards, dates and times.

Horrible Histories proudly presents its wicked river tour - Terrible Thames! Take a dive with Horrible Histories into the stories of King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, Julius Caesar, Queen Boudicca, Jack the Ripper and Captain Kidd, in this history of the Thames with the nasty bits left in! There are incredible stories, glorious views, exciting sea shanties and even the chance to sing yourself! Join us on our special sailings which include a Q+A after your sailing, and why not come dressed up?

Getting to us

Where to find us.

Tower Bridge Quay, St Katharine's Way, London E1W 1LD

Closest Pier: Tower Pier

Calling at 24 piers throughout the day, the Uber Boat by Thames Clippers service is the perfect way to navigate the festival, in spacious comfort above ground. Find out more

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Moscow Metro Tour

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Moscow metro private tours.

• 2-hour tour $87:  10 Must-See Moscow Metro stations with hotel pick-up and drop-off
• 3-hour tour $137:  20 Must-See Moscow Metro stations with Russian lunch in beautifully-decorated Metro Diner + hotel pick-up and drop off. 
• Metro pass is included in the price of both tours.

Highlight of Metro Tour

• Visit 10 must-see stations of Moscow metro on 2-hr tour and 20 Metro stations on 3-hr tour, including grand Komsomolskaya station with its distinctive Baroque décor, aristocratic Mayakovskaya station with Soviet mosaics, legendary Revolution Square station with 72 bronze sculptures and more!
• Explore Museum of Moscow Metro and learn a ton of technical and historical facts;
• Listen to the secrets about the Metro-2, a secret line supposedly used by the government and KGB;
• Experience a selection of most striking features of Moscow Metro hidden from most tourists and even locals;
• Discover the underground treasure of Russian Soviet past – from mosaics to bronzes, paintings, marble arches, stained glass and even paleontological elements;
• Learn fun stories and myths about Coffee Ring, Zodiac signs of Moscow Metro and more;
• Admire Soviet-era architecture of pre- and post- World War II perious;
• Enjoy panoramic views of Sparrow Hills from Luzhniki Metro Bridge – MetroMost, the only station of Moscow Metro located over water and the highest station above ground level;
• If lucky, catch a unique «Aquarelle Train» – a wheeled picture gallery, brightly painted with images of peony, chrysanthemums, daisies, sunflowers and each car unit is unique;
• Become an expert at navigating the legendary Moscow Metro system;
• Have fun time with a very friendly local;
• + Atmospheric Metro lunch in Moscow’s the only Metro Diner (included in a 3-hr tour)

Hotel Pick-up

Metro stations:.

Komsomolskaya

Novoslobodskaya

Prospekt Mira

Belorusskaya

Mayakovskaya

Novokuznetskaya

Revolution Square

Sparrow Hills

+ for 3-hour tour

Victory Park

Slavic Boulevard

Vystavochnaya

Dostoevskaya

Elektrozavodskaya

Partizanskaya

Museum of Moscow Metro

• Drop-off  at your hotel, Novodevichy Convent, Sparrow Hills or any place you wish
• + Russian lunch  in Metro Diner with artistic metro-style interior for 3-hour tour

Fun facts from our Moscow Metro Tours:

From the very first days of its existence, the Moscow Metro was the object of civil defense, used as a bomb shelter, and designed as a defense for a possible attack on the Soviet Union.

At a depth of 50 to 120 meters lies the second, the coded system of Metro-2 of Moscow subway, which is equipped with everything you need, from food storage to the nuclear button.

According to some sources, the total length of Metro-2 reaches over 150 kilometers.

The Museum was opened on Sportivnaya metro station on November 6, 1967. It features the most interesting models of trains and stations.

Coffee Ring

The first scheme of Moscow Metro looked like a bunch of separate lines. Listen to a myth about Joseph Stalin and the main brown line of Moscow Metro.

Zodiac Metro

According to some astrologers, each of the 12 stops of the Moscow Ring Line corresponds to a particular sign of the zodiac and divides the city into astrological sector.

Astrologers believe that being in a particular zadiac sector of Moscow for a long time, you attract certain energy and events into your life.

Paleontological finds 

Red marble walls of some of the Metro stations hide in themselves petrified inhabitants of ancient seas. Try and find some!

• Every day each car in  Moscow metro passes  more than 600 km, which is the distance from Moscow to St. Petersburg.
• Moscow subway system is the  5th in the intensity  of use (after the subways of Beijing, Tokyo, Seoul and Shanghai).
• The interval in the movement of trains in rush hour is  90 seconds .

What you get:

• + A friend in Moscow.
• + Private & customized Moscow tour.
• + An exciting pastime, not just boring history lessons.
• + An authentic experience of local life.
• + Flexibility during the walking tour: changes can be made at any time to suit individual preferences.
• + Amazing deals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the very best cafes & restaurants. Discounts on weekdays (Mon-Fri).
• + A photo session amongst spectacular Moscow scenery that can be treasured for a lifetime.
• + Good value for souvenirs, taxis, and hotels.
• + Expert advice on what to do, where to go, and how to make the most of your time in Moscow.

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Moscow metro of the last 20 years

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A ride across passages of history - Moscow Metro rolls on

Click on the map to enlarge it

Lying at a depth of 5 (Pechatniki station) to 80 metres (Park Pobedy station), the history of the last eight decades unfold before your eyes, carved out of marble and granite and built in iron and glass – revealing the tastes, ideas, dreams, hopes and disappointments of the previous generations and contemporaries. The Moscow Metro dates back to 1931, when its construction first began, although engineers Pyotr Balinsky and Evgeny Knorre submitted their first designs to the Moscow City Duma as far back as 1902. “His speeches carried a strong temptation: like a true demon, he would promise to cast Moscow down to the bottom of the sea and raise it above the clouds”, a journalist for the Russkoye Slovo newspaper commented on Balinsky’s idea. Yet the Duma, made up of rich people, did not bite the bait: after all, they all lived in the centre of the city and never rode overcrowded trams.

After five failed proposals before the Duma, the Moscow Metro finally threw open its doors on May 15, 1935, 18 years after the revolution, and carried the first passengers on its moving staircases, escalators, and the padded seats of its new wagons (unlike the wooden seats in trams). The first metro line – from Sokolniki to Dvorets Sovetov (now known as Kropotkinskaya) -- was 11 km long and had 13 stations. Now, the Moscow Metro has a track of over 300 km with 12 lines and 182 stations. The city’s development outline for 2020 envisages that, by then, another 120 km will have been added to the existing routes.

For the first 20 years of its history, the Moscow Metro was named after Lazar Kaganovich, the “iron commissar” and Stalin’s right hand man, who was in-charge of construction of the first stage of the metro (incidentally, he personally blew up the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour in December 1931 as a part of the Proletarian Capital project). In 1955, however, the Metro was renamed after Vladimir Lenin. Although Russia has long since changed its political track, you can still find the images of the former leader at over 10 stations, including, for instance, busts of Lenin at Belorusskaya and Komsomolskaya stations, impressive mosaics at Baumanskaya and Kievskaya stations, a tile panel in the passage between the Borovitskaya and Biblioteka Imeni Lenina stations. By a bitter irony of fate, Lenin’s full-face and side-face images decorate the Tsaritsyno (translated as the Tsarina’s Estate) station (dubbed Lenino up until 1990) – images of the very person who ordered the shooting of the royal family. You will not, however, find any images of Stalin in Moscow’s underground. A symbol of Russia's victory, he was omnipresent in the late 1940s. After his death in 1953 and the denunciation of Stalin’s personality cult, his images were gradually withdrawn from the Moscow Metro.

“Architecture developed along the same lines, both above and below the surface. Anything that emerged above ground had a reflection underground. It is equally true that vice versa never occurred: good architecture underground but bad architecture above the ground,” says Nikolay Shumakov, chief architect of the Moscow Metro. The first metro stations, up until the mid-1950s, were conceived and built as luxurious “palaces for the people”, great architecture for a great state. Art historians insist that the richly-decorated underground was a deliberate ideological move to eulogise the young Soviet country. Stations built between 1937 and 1955 are characteristic of the first architectural period. Everything completed at this time is worthy of special attention. For instance, look at the ceiling at Mayakovskaya and Novokuznetskaya stations to see mosaic panels based on designs by artist Alexander Deineka – 24-Hour Soviet Sky and Heroic Labour of the Soviet People on the Home Front. The mosaics were assembled by famous mosaic artist Vladimir Frolov, author of the mosaic icons in St. Petersburg’s Church of the Saviour on Blood. The Ploshchad Revolutsii station was decorated with 76 bronze sculptures of workers, soldiers, farmers, students and other Soviet people. You can even find a frontier guard with a dog and rub its nose for good luck. You may also note that all the figures (except pioneers) are either sitting or bent, which engendered the sad joke – “Any Soviet man is either in jail or on his knees.”

 Elements of decoration in Moscow's metro.   Photos by Alexandr Ganyushin

1955 heralded the end of the good times for Russian architecture – both underground and above ground – after the Communist Party issued a decree "On elimination of extravagance in design and construction.” Dull stations, without any stucco work, mosaics, original columns or other “unjustified” elements, were built under the slogan “Kilometres at the expense of architecture”. Things were the same above the ground, where entire cities were built of commonplace five-storey apartment blocks, all looking the same, nicknamed ‘Khrushchevkas’ after the then leader, Nikita Khrushchev. To get a sense of this period’s architecture, see the few stations built in the 1960s-1980s like Tverskaya, Kitay-Gorod and Kolomenskaya. In 2002, with the reconstruction of the Vorobyovy Gory station, the development of the Moscow Metro entered a third stage, which could be defined as ‘renaissance’. The platform of the station offers a splendid view of the Moskva River, the Luzhniki Olympic Complex and the Academy of Sciences building. Architectural canons of the 1930s-1940s were once again in use in the design of underground stations. By the same token, artists once again become involved in decorating the stations. As such, the Sretensky Bulvar station boasts silhouettes of Pushkin, Gogol, and Timiryazev and Moscow sights; the Dostoevskaya station is decorated with black-and-white panels featuring the main characters from Dostoyevsky’s novels The Idiot, Demons, Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, and the Maryina Roshcha station flaunts its pastoral mosaic landscapes. In 2004, Russia's first monorail transport system was launched into service – an elevated track (running 6 to 12 metres above the ground) in the northern part of Moscow, linking the All-Russian Exhibition Centre and the Timiryazevskaya metro station. The evolution of the Moscow Metro goes on. It’s still a work in progress, with ambitious plans to move the Moscow Metro even closer to passengers over the next ten years, not just by adding an extra 120 km to its total track. “We want to strip the stations of everything we can,” says Nikolai Shumakov. “We are trying to show the passengers their very framework, what the metro is made of. Cast iron and concrete are beautiful.”

Joy ride: Read Gogol, Dante or savour art

The Aquarelle Train.   Source: Reuters/Vostock-Photo

With any luck, you can ride in a retro train, a moving art gallery or a library. The trains are actually a part of the general traffic (i.e., they do not run to any special schedule) and are used on certain lines. The Reading Moscow Train , an ordinary train on the face of it, features extracts from literary works for adults and children. Each wagon has its own selection, from children’s fairy tales to Gogol. Circle Line. The Poetry in Metro Train carries an exposition, updated this year, dedicated to Italian poets Dante Alighieri, Francesco Petrarch, Giacomo Leopardi, etc. All the poems are featured in two languages, Russian and Italian. Filevskaya Line. The Sokolniki Retro Train looks exactly like the first Moscow Metro train, both inside and out. Painted brown, it has padded seats, typical wall decorations and retro lamps. Sokolnicheskaya Line. The Aquarelle Train looks like a cabinet painted with flowers and fruit on the outside. Inside, it is an art gallery featuring art reproductions from the Vyatka Apollinary and Viktor Vasnetsov Art Museum. Arbatsko-Pokrovskaya Line.

Revolution Square station (built in 1938) is close to the Red Square area. There are 72 sculptures in the station, depicting the people of the Soviet Union, including soldiers, farmers, athletes, writers, industrial workers and school children.

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